THE DEATH OF ROMANCE--MARRIAGE!!!

PRETTY CATCHY HEADING-DON'T YOU AGREE?!!AND SO TRUE!I SHOULD KNOW. HAVE BEEN MARRIED FOR EIGHTEEN(YES! YOU READ CORRECT,EIGHTEEN!!) VERRRRRY LOONNGG YEARS AND VERY EVENTFUL ONES AT THAT!I HAD A "LOOVVEE" MARRIAGE IN THE TRUE "PHILMY ISHTYLE."GORGEOUS MUSLIM GIRL(AHEM! ME!MODESTY ISN'T REALLY MY OVER RIDING VIRTUE!)MEETS HANDSOME,ELIGIBLE,WELL-EDUCATED PUNJABI BOY(OBVIOUSLY MR. C-WHO ELSE!)THEY FALL IN LOVE,GO FOR ENDLESS DINNERS,COCKTAILS,MOVIES,LONG DRIVES ETC AND THEN DECIDE TO GET MARRIED!!

WHAT HAPPENS THEN?!! WORLD WAR THREE!! THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS!! ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!! SO THERE IS DRAMA,MELODRAMA,EMOTION,TRAGEDY,COMEDY,DOOMS DAY SCENARIOS ENACTED AND REENACTED,BUCKETS OF TEARS SHED,FAINTING SPELLS,PANIC ATTACKS,MINI NERVOUS BREAKDOWNS AND AGAIN IN TRUE "PHILUMY ISHTYLE" THE OFT REPEATED SCENE OF THE LOVESTRUCK HERO THROWING HIS MEAGRE BELONGINGS INTO A RAGGED "JHOLA" AND BIDING ADIEU TO EVERYONE IN HIS FAMILY AND MARCHING OUT WITH HIS HEAD HELD HIGH!!AND AS USUAL HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF AND THE RUSE WORKS!!!EVERYTHING IS HUNKY DORY AGAIN AT LEAST FOR THE TIME BEING TILL AFTER THE WEDDING!!!AND THAT'S WHEN THE REAL FUN AND GAMES START!!!

ANYWAY IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE WEDDING,I HAD STARRY EYES AND FELT WAS FLOATING ON ENDLESS,BOUNCY,FLUFFY PINK CLOUDS.THOUGHT LIFE WOULD BE A  BED OF ROSES WITH POETRY,ROMANCE,ENDLESS DECLARATIONS OF UNDYING LOVE,WINE,TOGETHERNESS,PASSION,HOLIDAYS AND SO ON AND SO FORTH!!! BOY!!WAS I IN FOR THE SHOCK OF MY LIFE OR WHAT!!!!THE ROMANCE FLEW OUT OF THE NEAREST DOOR,WINDOW,VENTILATOR SHAFT (ANY OPENING WHATSOEVER THAT IT COULD FIND) THE MOMENT THE PLANE LANDED IN GOA. GOA BECAUSE THAT'S WHERE WE WENT FOR OUR HONEY THE MOON.I WONDER WHY THEY CALL IT THAT?!WHAT IS SO HONEYED ABOUT THE MOON AND HOW DOES THAT CATEGORISE THE FIRST FEW DAYS OF WEDLOCK!!THE FIRST FEW DAYS SHOULD BE CALLED -"TRAUMATIC NIGHTS" OR " BRAIN FREEZE" OR EVEN BETTER "FROZEN WITH FEAR HEART!!!"MORE APPROPRIATE DESCRIPTIONS THAN HONEY MOON!!!

WHAT IS ROMANCE?THE DICTIONARY DESCRIBES IT AS AN ARDENT EMOTIONAL ATTACHMENT OR INVOLVEMENT BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE.IT IS ALSO DESCRIBED AS A MYSTERIOUS OR FASCINATING QUALITY OR APPEAL,AS OF SOMETHING ADVENTUROUS,HEROIC OR STRANGELY BEAUTIFUL.NOW DO YOU GET MY POINT? HOW CAN WORDS LIKE ARDENT,MYSTERIOUS,FASCINATING,ADVENTUROUS,HEROIC BE EVER ASSOCIATED WITH MARRIAGE?!!MARRIAGE IN INDIA (AND GOD FORBID!IF YOU GET MARRIED INTO A JOINT FAMILY!)IS ALL ABOUT ADJUSTMENTS,COMPROMISES,TEARS AND DEFINITELY BUTTERING UP THE IN-LAWS!!

I KNOW  THE ABOVE ARE HARSH WORDS BUT THEN WHAT TO DO?!!DON'T HAVE A CHOICE!HAVE TO HAVE SOME INTEGRITY AND HONESTY IN MY WRITING!!HERE IN THIS FABLED LAND OF OURS,ONE DOESN'T MARRY A MAN-YOU MARRY HIS ENTIRE FAMILY AND EXTENDED FAMILY AND FAMILY OF EXTENDED FAMILY!!SO SUDDENLY YOU ARE BESIEGED AND INUNDATED WITH RELATIVES FROM ALL CORNERS OF THE WORLD AND OF ALL SHAPES AND SIZES WHO SPEAK BOTH SENSE AND NONSENSE WITH FAMILIAR AND UNFAMILIAR ACCENTS!!

SO ONE HAS TO CONTEND WITH NIMMI AUNTY'S AMERICAN TWANG AND PAMMI MAUSI'S  BRIT ACCENT AND PREETA CHACHI'S  "THETH" PUNJABI AND BABLOO TAYAJI'S DESI "ENGLIS" OF I CAN WALK ENGLISH AND TALK ENGLISH KIND AND CHHOTU CHACHA'S BAD BREATH AND MOTU MAMA'S LECHEROUS LEER AND SO ON AND SO FORTH.THE LIST IS ENDLESS AND BY THE TIME YOU ARE INTRODUCED TO EVERYONE IN THE FAMILY YOUR HEAD IS SWIMMING AND YOUR PULSE IS FAINT!YOU AREN'T JUST SUPPOSED TO REMEMBER THEIR NAMES BUT THE NAMES(SWEETIE,PINKY,PAPPU,GOLLU,SONU,BOOBI,PRINCE,BUNTY,BITTOO ETC) OF THEIR RESPECTIVE FAMILY MEMBERS  AND THEIR LIKES AND DISLIKES ,IDIOSYNCRASIES AND PETTY POLITICS!!!POLITICS AND THE INDIAN JOINT FAMILY IS ANOTHER EXPANSIVE TOPIC ALTOGETHER AND WILL BE COVERED AT A LATER STAGE.FOR NOW LET'S CONCENTRATE ON THE TASK AT HAND, ROMANCE AND MARRIAGE!!!

SO YOU COME BACK FROM YOUR HONEY MOON ALL ROSY CHEEKED,WIDE-EYED AND MOONILY IN LOVE.NOW REALITY SETS IN LIKE A TERRIFYING NIGHTMARE!!YOU SUDDENLY AREN'T SOMEONES WIFE BUT ALSO SOMEONES DAUGHTER-IN-LAW,SISTER-IN-LAW,CHACHI,MAAMI,BHABHI,PHUPHI,BUA ETC.THE LIST IS ENDLESS AND YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE ON TOP OF EVERYTHING FROM THE WORD GO!!!SO YOU DON'T GET A BREATHER OR RESPITE-YOU HAVE TO HIT THE GROUND RUNNING.SUDDENLY FROM THIS CAREFREE GIRL BEFORE MARRIAGE YOU HAVE TO IMMEDIATELY METAMORPHOSE INTO A LOVING AND OBEDIENT WIFE,DUTIFUL DAUGHTER-IN-LAW, SUBSERVIENT SISTER-IN-LAW(WHO GETS BULLIED NON-STOP)AND ENTERTAINING,CHEERFUL AND OBLIGING CHACHI/MAAMI/PHUPHI/BUA/BHABHI WHATEVER!!

SO NOW, KIND FOLK, PLEASE  TELL ME WHERE IS THE TIME LEFT FOR ROMANCE??YOU ARE JUST RUNNING FROM PILLAR TO POST TRYING TO FULFIL ALL THESE RESPONSIBILITIES AND DUTIES THRUST UPON YOU.ANOTHER STRANGE INDIAN CUSTOM!!!THE FELICITATION OF THE NEWLY WEDS!!GOD!! IT'S A NEVER ENDING PROCESS AND CARRIES ON AND ON!!THIS IS THE MOST BURPY-GASSY STAGE OF YOUR MARRIAGE AS YOU ARE CONSTANTLY BEING FORCE FED  ALL KINDS OF DEEP FRIED,SPICY INDIAN DELICACIES EVER IMAGINABLE!!!WE WERE WINED AND DINED ENDLESSLY FOR A PERIOD OF TWO MONTHS WHEN WE RETURNED FROM OUR HONEYMOON AND I PUT ON FIVE KILOS IN THOSE TWO MONTHS!!SHEER AGONY AND TRAUMA!!HAD TO WEAR ALL MY BENARSI SAREES AND HEAVY JEWELLERY AND LAYERS OF MAKE-UP AND GO OUT EVERY NIGHT AND BE THE DEMURE,BLUSHING BRIDE!!!VERY AGAINST MY GENERAL DEMEANOUR!!!!I AM USUALLY NOT DEMURE AND DO NOT BLUSH!!

FRANKLY ROMANCE AND MARRIAGE DON'T GO HAND IN HAND BUT YES MARRIAGE DOES EVENTUALLY TRANSLATE INTO TRUE AND ABIDING AFFECTION AND COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER. IT TRANSLATES INTO COMPANIONSHIP,COMFORT,FAMILIARITY,COMPASSION AND PARTNERSHIP.YOU AND YOUR PARTNER, NOT ONLY BUILD A LIFE AND HOME TOGETHER BUT ALSO A FAMILY.THE KIDS ARE A DEFINITE PLUS!!IT HAS IT'S UPS AND MANY DOWNS BUT AS LONG AS THERE ARE MORE UPS AND LESS DOWNS AND BOTH THE PARTNERS RESPECT EACH OTHER AND WHAT THEY SHARE, IT'S WORTH GIVING A SHOT!!!SO LONG LIVE ALL THE MARRIED COUPLES AND MAY YOU LIVE FOREVER IN PEACE,HARMONY AND UNDERSTANDING! PLEASE NOTE I AM NOT MENTIONING THE WORD ROMANCE ANYWHERE!!!