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Wednesday, 5 October 2011

MY BHOJPURI BRIGADE

So its seven a.m and the alarm ki "ghanti" or in this case the "ghanta" just went off. I hear mad barking from outside the room because Romeo for the life of him cant figure out this new change in the routine and keeps sniffing/yelping at the alarm clock as if its some alien creature that will suddenly jump up and take a bite out of him! Anyway i go and calm him down for a bit-don't want Mr.C and the bratty brats up at this unearthly hourly making their usual earthly demands-wail! i want hot chocolate-louder wail!i want cold coffee-loudest wail! i want lassi! which then progresses to cheese toast,maggi with vegetables(i always insist on the vegetables) and you guessed it aloo paranthas!! diet ones???!!!What in the world is that!Diet and aloo paranthas are oxy-morons!!


My mouth is dry and my brain is foggy. I haven't had my usual cuppa because the staff is still sound asleep after having watched some hot "bhojpuri" pot-boiler till late last night. They were all goggle-eyed till two a.m watching the antics of a skimpily clad,buxom woman who at the drop of a hat would start heaving her ample bosom alarmingly,licking her lips suggestively and making orgasmic noises. Her partner in crime-a thin,scrawny,hairy man would keep prancing around her like a monkey gone haywire and would suddenly burst into song shrieking "tani aa ja gori baja mein katti jawani maja mein" which roughly translated means-please come here you fair maiden!i am filled with desire, virility and youthfulness for you!Good God! help! do i really need this as well in my already mad household!


Need to get cracking-have to write my blog and have no clue whatsoever about its ahem!ahem!earth-shattering,intellectual contents. Anyway i sit around fidget and ponder but the darned bhojpuri song still keeps reverberating in my clouded brain like some stuck,scratchy record. Wow! just the kind of inspiration i need to write!I go wake up my beloved Santosh and beseech him for a cup of tea.
After umpteen cups of tea or flavored dish water as Mr.C describes it-inspiration does finally strike.


I will write about Jimmy boy! Now please don't ask me who he is because i cant tell u. Will get my cute derriere whipped by Mr.C if i do! Lets just say that he's this fantastical,mystical,magical creature quite like the Wizard of Oz who comes from across the seven seas(need to consult an atlas to know whether that's literally true or not)and who has a profound influence on my life and my spending habits!! Got it! Good! Anyways Jimmy boy (if you can call a sixty plus man that!) came a visiting last evening! My whole house-hold was in a tizzy! Clean this and scrub that and polish this and varnish that! We were all going bonkers!Romeo descended into a mad frenzy seeing all this unusual activity and kept rushing up and down the stairs bumping into everybody and bunching up the carpets! Mr.C had already called from the office thrice(a very rare event indeed!)wanting to know if all was well and under control. Kept reassuring him in my most calm and soothing voice that everything was fine when all that i really wanted to do was burst into a song from the movie "disco dancer". The song being-you guessed it-jimmy! jimmy!jimmy! aaja!aaja!aaja!aaja re mere saath!yeh jaagi jaagi raat!pukare tujhe sun!suna de wahi dhun!!! Dhun being you know what!! wink! wink!


So Jimmy boy came and thankfully the earth didn't collapse and gobble us up and everything went smoothly. The brats actually showered,shampooed,used Listerine and wore decent clothes according to my standards (they usually roam around in strange,baggy rags in the guise of being cool)and said their how do you dos and fine thank yous! Romeo was at his best behaviour-didn't jump up and molest the poor man or go into a licking frenzy and the bhojpuri brigade were efficiency and politeness personified with i can talk englis,i can walk englis because englis is a very phunny language!!


Now lets talk about the food!The Shammi-kebabs were superb-nice and crispy outside and melting soft inside,the Malai Tukda was all malai n cream and two hundred calories a piece,the Burrah kebab was juicy and spicy and made Romeo drool all over my rather expensive Kashmiri carpet and the wine was potent enough to finally loosen my tongue and make me relax much to Mr.C's utter dismay and profound chagrin!In this situation he would have preferred me to be the ideal,uptight,obedient,pallu-clad, sati-savitri naari without a tongue who just pays blind obeisance to her lord and master-the pati dev meaning him!!!Well anybody who knows me (even slightly) will know that that's not going to happen ever whether i am tipsy or otherwise! So i was at my garrulous,opinionated best and firmly avoided eye contact with the fuming "pati-dev"!By the way just to make things clear Jimmy boy was quite charmed and kept smiling at me beatifically throughout the evening!


All in all the evening went well and Jimmy boy went away smiling and stuffed and slightly tipsy. I was more than tipsy so after polishing off the rest of the calorie laden goodies i decided to call it a nightie night!!!


So there ! Another one bites the dust! Another one gone!and another blog written! thank god! Can put my feet up and just relax now for the rest of the day and order the bhojpuri brigade around(no offence meant! love them to death!)In fact have decided that today i will take a crash course on all the hot,bhojpuri item songs available and then maybe regale you with them later! Do i hear a loud,collective,pained groan/moan??!!Fine whatever-then wont! I am going into sulk mode now so you folks go have fun! Mu ah!