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Tuesday, 11 October 2011


I have to be the most technically challenged person around!! Took me bloody half an hour to log on to my blog  and now that i am finally on am completely blank!! Kya likhun yaar-kal raat ki biryani and corresponding stomach upset /indigestion ke baara mein (over-eating ke kaaran let me hastily add here before my dear friend Mrs.B gets worried and pissed off!!!) ya ees baara mein ki aaj brat number 2 ka janam diwas hai and correspondingly how it translates into the ultimate torture or "shammaat "for poor ole me!

So we have ten of his closest friends coming over- God! help!-all of them hyperactive, over-smart,garrulous, fidgety ,cheeky nine year old who think that i was born to be their slave and my only purpose in life is to do their bidding!! Sigh! poor auntie has had it yet again today and by the end of the day will look like a bedraggled doll with her perfectly coiffed and shampooed hair looking like a birds nest,her pristine and spotless clothes marked by spaghetti sauce and chocolate fudge cake, her usually calm,serene face set in a half crazed expression, one of her Jimmy Choo heel broken and definitely an earring or watch missing! Groan!! Such Ecstasy! Really looking forward to the eventful day!!! but since its a once a year occurrence (thank the lord! birthdays only happen once a year otherwise would have qualified for the loony bin by now!!!) will put on my bravest face and endure the brunt!!

Mr. C being Mr. C clucked his tongue in sympathy hearing my predicament,offered a few words of advice, wished happy birthday to brat number two ,gave him a wet,smacker on his cheek and thereafter hastily proceeded to lock and bolt himself in the study room!! What the bloody hell! Was so livid! Proceeded to try and knock the study door down with my insistent hammering and kicking!! But no such luck! The door held--very impressed-will call up my builder and congratulate him on the superb quality of teak used!!! In spite of all the ruckus i created Mr. C was completely unruffled and when he finally opened the infamous study door (bearing a "butter wouldn't melt in my mouth" expression )all he did was ruffle my hair,pinch my cheeks  and  give the usual jargon about work /deadlines and the infamous, much maligned Jimmy boy!!! God!! Wanted to wring his neck and rave and rant that parenting is a joint responsibility and of course my oft repeated statement that i didn't get the brats in my dowry and how he was physically and morally bound to help me in times of stress and strife!!! But as usual no  luck and no effect!! Mr. C  pretended that suddenly he had lost his power of hearing and assimilating, gave me another pinch on my cheeks and vamoosed into thin air!!He should be a magician by profession and not a banker!!! He can really move like lightning when he so desires!! So then i finally gave up, reconciled to my miserable fate,tried to rearrange my "dhukhi atma"  facial expression into one of supreme joy/exhalation and anticipation and marched ahead to confront my nine year old tormentors!!!

 Actually i think i was grossly over reacting ( as usual!! i was born with the drama queen genes! its not my fault! how can i fight genetics and heredity!) . It wasn't so bad at all! For once my tormentors took pity on me and didn't run around madly knocking things over and spilling Pepsi all over my pristine marble floors! They also didn't attempt to play Cricket in my living room or Soccer in my bedroom!! They actually sat calmly and played the PlayStation for an hour. I was only called occasionally to act as referee to sort out timing issues!! What a great invention the PlayStation is and a complete parent rescuer! Want to go and kiss the hand  of the person who actually thought of  it!!! Completely worth the monies spent on it!

Now it was lunchtime and frankly this posed the toughest challenge!!!  I had on my hands a bunch of very fussy eaters with very evolved palates!! So someone wanted sushi ?????the other one wanted tempura,the third one wanted an enchilada and the fourth one requested a paella!! I was amazed!! What happened to burgers,pizzas,spaghetti and fried chicken??!!!Till two years back that was the ideal menu for a kids party. They loved it and i was actually left with scrimping n scrounging for leftovers at the end! Everything was licked clean and no one complained-in fact scuffles always broke out for the last piece of the chicken drumstick and last slice of pizza!Honestly i now believe that those were simpler times!! With globalisation and the Internet and all the" phoren" vacations that we take our brats on they have become a bunch of  finicky eaters with very refined tastes and impossible to cater for!! So i just gave them  my sad,pathetic trademark smile and requested them to be good and eat up whatever frugal offerings that i had to offer!! so after making " hazaar nakhras" and screwing up their noses for an extended period of time they finally relented and took pity on their tragedy stricken auntie and relented to put two morsels each into their respective offended mouths! ah! chalo! ek toh balaa tali ( meaning one more disaster averted!!).

Now for the ultimate torture--they wanted to watch a movie so had to endure Doraemon and Nobita (popular animated characters) and their painful antics for two hours!! I couldn't believe that after tormenting us parents everyday on t.v for hours on end the makers had actually gone ahead and made a full length movie!! What bloody cheek and audacity! What about higher emotions of compassion, kindness and humanity!Hey Bhagwaan! Kuch toh daya karo! Kitna torture hum bechara parents endure karenge apne suputro ke liye!!Anyway since this was the last item on my to-do list for the brats birthday i doggedly persevered on!!! I put on a brave face quite akin to a soldier going to war and marched forward tightly clutching on to as many kids as i could humanly manage with my two hands!!! All in all despite the umpteen trips to the loo for "susu"(the kids and surprisingly not me), the burnt butter popcorn,the spilt Coke and the broken spectacles it was a good experience!!!! The brats enjoyed it and i really wished that i could record their delighted squeals  for posterity!!!! Such a wonderful sound!

The day had come to an end and i was finally home feeling very righteous and proud of myself!I had achieved the near impossible-a successful birthday party with all the brats going away happy and satisfied!!I gave myself a self-congratulatory pat on the back and took time to rest and give my weary bones a break!!! By the way giving Mr. C very pricey vibes and completely ignoring him! He abandoned me yet again and i will not forgive him anytime soon!!

 Take care folks! Have a great weekend!! I am finally signing off!