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Monday, 31 October 2011

THE ART OF WAR!!!! SHEEBA ISHTYLE!!!

THERE'S THIS POST DOING THE ROUNDS CURRENTLY WHICH IS REALLY PISSING ME OFF!! FOUR OF MY MALE FRIENDS (THE GENDER IS UNDERSTANDABLE ONCE YOU READ IT BELOW) HAVE FORWARDED IT TO ME IN THE PAST THREE DAYS ON MY BLACKBERRY. IT'S LIKE THE MALE HOLY GRAIL!!THESE ARE THE RULES THEY WANT US ,WOMEN TO LIVE BY!! MY BLOODY LEFT FOOT!! SO, NOT TO BE OUTDONE I HAVE GIVEN MY OWN APPROPRIATE REJOINDERS TO EACH AND EVERY POINT RAISED, SO HERE GOES!!! I HAVE TRIED TO KEEP THE FEMALE FLAG FLYING HIGH SO LET THE WAR GAMES BEGIN!! AMEN!!!

(CAVE) MAN RULES(!!!!):---

1) MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS (FIRST AND FOREMOST RULE).

MY REJOINDER:- WOMEN AREN'T MIND READERS EITHER!! JUST BY "PHULAOING" YOUR FACE AND LOOKING LIKE "GOLGAPPAS" WE CAN'T AUTOMATICALLY DECIPHER WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO CONVEY!!! SO SPELL IT OUT LITERALLY!!!

2) LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT. YOU'RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT'S UP, PUT IT DOWN. WE NEED IT UP,YOU NEED IT DOWN. YOU DON'T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.

MY REJOINDER:- YOU MEN ( AND THIS HOLDS TRUE FOR ALL OF YOU IN EVERY AGE BRACKET!) LEARN TO WORK YOUR AIM AND POINT IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION!! YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO PIDDLE INSIDE THE TOILET BOWL AND NOT AROUND IT!! I DON'T AND I MEAN DON'T WANT TO BE ASSAILED WITH STINKY YELLOW PUDDLES THE MOMENT I STEP INSIDE THE BLOODY LOO!!! GET THAT! HOLD THAT DAMN THING WHEN YOU POINT AND PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS AFTERWARDS!! THAT'S WHAT SOAP, WATER AND THE SINK ARE FOR!!!!

3) SUNDAY SPORTS.IT'S LIKE THE FULL MOON OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES. LET IT BE.

MY REJOINDER:- SO IS "NIGELLAS KITCHEN","THE BOLD AND THE BEAUTIFUL", "THE VAMPIRE DIARIES" AND "BIG BOSS"!!! WHY DON'T YOU LET THAT BE TOO! WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT WE WILL WATCH WHAT WE PLEASE ON THE T.V!! SO QUIT THE GROANING AND MOANING!! LEAVE THAT FOR BETWEEN THE SHEETS!! STOP BEHAVING AS IF YOU WILL BE PHYSICALLY SICK EVERY TIME THE DARNED IDIOT BOX PLAYS ANY OF THE AFORE MENTIONED PROGRAMS!!!

4) CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.

MY REJOINDER:-- TYPICAL MALE REACTION!! WHEN WE SHED TEARS WE ARE GENUINELY MOVED OR TOUCHED OR FRUSTRATED OR SAD OR ANGRY!! WE ARE JUST SO MUCH MORE IN TOUCH WITH OUR FEELINGS AND HAVE NO SHAME IN EXPRESSING THEM. UNLIKE YOU MEN ,WE JUST DON'T BLANK THINGS OUT AND PRETEND THAT EVERY THING'S HUNKY DORY WHEN IT ISN'T. WE ARE SENSITIVE,CARING AND COMPASSIONATE CREATURES WHO REALLY DO CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE AROUND US AND OUR ENVIRONMENT!! SO BOO-HOO TO YOU!!!!!

5) ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK! OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK! JUST SAY IT!!

MY REJOINDER:-EXACTLY MY POINT!! WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING WORK TOWARDS IT (THAT'S VERY IMPORTANT! AND "SABER/MEHNAT KA FAL HAMESHA MEETHA HOTA HAI" WINK! WINK! YOU FOLKS KNOW WHAT I AM ALLUDING TO! SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK! STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK AND OBVIOUS HINTS LIKE GRABBING  PARTS OF OUR ANATOMY LIKE A PRE-PUBESCENT TEENAGER, DEFINITELY DOES NOT WORK AND IN FACT COULD BE QUITE DETRIMENTAL TO YOUR GENERAL HEATH AND WELL BEING!! WELL AIMED AND WELL PLACED KICKS TO THE RIGHT PARTS OF YOUR ANATOMY COULD DO SERIOUS DAMAGE TO YOU, SO BEWARE!!

6) YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION.

MY REJOINDER:- AGREED!! SO WHEN I SAY NO IT MEANS NO AND NO AMOUNT OF PLEADING/CAJOLING/THROWING A TANTRUM WILL WORK!! IF I DO NOT WANT TO GO TO THAT SILLY CORPORATE EVENT THAT YOUR COMPANY IS SPONSORING I WILL NOT GO!!! SO QUIT WHIMPERING AND FACE IT LIKE THE STRONG MAN YOU PROPOUND TO BE!!! IF I SAY YES IT MEANS YES AND NO AMOUNT OF DOOMS DAY SCENARIOS/BRAIN WASHING/EMOTIONAL ATYACHAR WILL MAKE ME CHANGE MY MIND!! SO QUIT YOUR SUPREME COURT ADVOCATE ACT!! AS IT IS YOU ARE DOING A LOUSY JOB AND YES YOU HAVE TO ACCOMPANY ME TO PAMMI AUNTIE'S SISTER'S DAUGHTER'S WEDDING WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!!! YOU DO NOT HAVE A CHOICE!!!

7) COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT'S WHAT WE DO.SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.

MY REJOINDER:-WHEN WE MARRY YOU,GO THROUGH LABOUR PAINS TO HAVE YOUR BRATTY CHILDREN,TOLERATE YOUR PESKY LEECH TYPE OF RELATIVES, TOLERATE ALL YOUR NOXIOUS FUMES AND EMISSIONS, AT THE VERY LEAST WE EXPECT YOU TO LISTEN TO US WHEN WE HAVE A PROBLEM OR WHEN SOMETHING IS BOGGING US DOWN!! TELL ME LADIES, IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK FOR??? IN FACT ISN'T THAT WHAT MARRIAGE IS ALL ABOUT? SHARING AND CARING? AND WHEN WE SHARE AND CARE WELL BEYOND WHAT IS DEEMED APPROPRIATE, IS IT UNFAIR TO EXPECT OUR PARTNER TO BE AROUND FOR US WHEN WE JUST WANT TO VENT OR MOUTH OFF OR USE THEM AS A SOUNDING BOARD? NOT EVERY PROBLEM HAS A BLACK AND WHITE SOLUTION! SOMETIMES TALKING TO YOUR PARTNER AND DISCUSSING THE PROS AND CONS OF A SITUATION JUST HELPS IN GIVING US THE RIGHT PERSPECTIVE!! SO WHAT'S SO WRONG WITH THAT OR SO EARTH SHATTERING??!! KINDLY SPARE US THE EXASPERATED SIGHS, RAISED EYEBROWS AND THE EYE-BALL ROLLING!! WE CAN DO PLENTY OF THE LATTER IF WE WEREN'T SUCH KIND, GENEROUS/MAGNANIMOUS SOULS!!!

8) ANYTHING WE SAID SIX MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER SEVEN DAYS.

MY REJOINDER:-THIS ONE REALLY SUITS ME FINE!!! THEN WHY DO YOU KEEP BRINGING UP , FOR INSTANCE,WHAT I SAID TO THE LECHEROUS BITTOO BHAIYA ON OUR SANGEET NIGHT  EIGHTEEN YEARS AGO???!!!AGREED IT CAUSED A MINOR TURBULENCE IN THE FAMILY AND YOUR PREETA MAASI ALMOST HAD A MINI NERVOUS BREAKDOWN BUT THEN WHAT'S DONE IS DONE SO WHY BRING IT UP NOW??? AND JUST TO SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT IF ANYBODY TRIES TO FEEL UP MY CUTE BOTTOM, HOWEVER CLOSELY RELATED THEY MIGHT BE TO YOU, THEY WILL ALWAYS GET A HARD SPANK ON THEIR HAND AND A HARSH TALKING TO!!!! JUST ACCEPT IT AND BROADCAST IT FAR AND WIDE!!!

9) IF YOU THINK YOU'RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US.

MY REJOINDER:- WELL,TO THAT I CAN ONLY SAY THAT IF YOU THINK YOU ARE BALD, YOU PROBABLY ARE. DON'T ASK US!! AND NOW I WILL NOT CALL UP DR BATRA'S CLINIC FOR YOU (SINCE YOU ARE TOO EMBARASSED) AND LISTEN TO SOME IRRITATING IDIOT WHO KEEPS DRONING ON AND ON FOR THIRTY MINUTES  IN A NASAL VOICE ABOUT SOME MIRACULOUS HAIR GROWING MEDICINE WHICH COMES IN TEN ML BOTTLES COSTING TWENTY GRAND PER BOTTLE!! YOU ARE WELCOME TO MAKE ALL SUCH CALLS YOURSELF!

10) IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY,WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE.

MY REJOINDER:- BHAI WAH!!! HOW CONVENIENT IS THAT!! ALWAYS TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT AND PRETEND THAT YOU NEVER MEANT TO BE SARCASTIC OR CAUSTIC OR PLAIN NASTY!!! IF YOU DIDN'T MEAN TO BE THEN WHY DID YOU SAY IT? AND ONCE YOU SAY WHATEVER MEAN/SARCASTIC/CAUSTIC THING THAT YOU HAVE TO SAY THEN WHY CANT YOU STAND YOUR GROUND AND FIGHT IT OUT LIKE A MAN!! WHAT'S ALL THIS YOU ARE TOO HYPER-SENSITIVE BULLSHIT? DON'T BLAME ME FOR YOUR NASTINESS AND REMEMBER EVERY ACTION HAS AN EQUAL AND OPPOSITE REACTION!!! BASIC PHYSICS COWBOY!!!!

11) YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING. OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE. NOT BOTH. IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.

MY REJOINDER:- PLEASE ACCEPT THE FACT THAT GOD GAVE YOU BRAWN AND US THE FAIRER SEX, THE BRAIN!!!! SO SOMETIMES TO ACCOMPLISH A TASK WE JUST NEED YOUR BRUTE STRENGTH AND ADDED HEIGHT,BUT THE STRATEGY TO ACCOMPLISH THE SAID TASK IS OURS AND ONLY OURS!!! SO GET USED TO FOLLOWING INSTRUCTIONS AND MOVE THAT FAT ASS PRONTO!!!

12) WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY, DURING COMMERCIALS.

MY REJOINDER:- TO THE ABOVE THEN I WILL SAY THAT WHENEVER YOU WANT ME TO GET YOU SOMETHING  TO EAT , PLEASE DO SO ONLY DURING THE COMMERCIALS. KINDLY DO NOT KEEP BADGERING AND HARASSING ME TO FIRST GET YOU THE BEER, THEN THE CHIPS,THEN THE BLOODY DAHI GARLIC DIP, THEN THE ROASTED MASALA PEANUTS AND THEN THE BUTTER LOVERS POPCORN AND SO ON AND SO FORTH!!! LEARN TO HELP YOURSELF! A LITTLE EXERCISE CAN'T POSSIBLY HARM YOU. MAY IN FACT BE GOOD FOR YOU.

13) CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.

MY REJOINDER:- CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS WAS AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE!! YOU ARE NOT!! YOU ARE THE RULE AND ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE PATHETIC ROAD SENSE!! JUST BY GOING ROUND AND ROUND IN CIRCLES WE WILL NOT REACH OUR DARNED DESTINATION!! THERE'S NO HARM IN JUST STOPPING A PASSERBY AND ASKING FOR DIRECTIONS!! IN FACT WE WILL VOLUNTEER TO DO IT FOR YOU IF WE ARE WITH YOU IN THE SAME VEHICLE ,IF ONLY YOU COULD  SWALLOW YOUR FRAGILE EGO AND PRIDE FOR A MOMENT AND ADMIT THAT YOU ARE LOST!!!

14) ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16  COLORS, LIKE WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS. PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.

MY REJOINDER:- OKAY WE ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU ARE COLOR BLIND BUT THEN AT LEAST LET US HELP YOU IN OVERCOMING THIS HANDICAP!!!BY BLINDLY REFUTING EVERY COLOR IDEA WE PROPOSE, DOESN'T REALLY HELP YOUR CASE!! OPEN YOUR MIND AND EYES AND SEE THE WORLD IN ALL IT'S MYRIAD HUES!

15) IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED. WE DO THAT.

MY REJOINDER:-IF YOU FOLLOW THE BASIC RULES OF HYGIENE IT WILL NOT ITCH!! WE GUARANTEE THAT!! ALL THAT YOU HAVE DO IS USE THAT LOOFAH AND FANCY BODY GEL GRACING YOUR BATHROOM CABINET!! IN FACT THAT'S THE LEAST YOU CAN DO AFTER SPENDING HOURS AND HOURS ( GOD ALONE KNOWS DOING WHAT!!) IN THE LOO!!!

16) IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY  "NOTHING," WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING'S WRONG. WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.

 MY REJOINDER:-WHAT'S GOOD FOR THE GOOSE IS GOOD FOR THE GANDER!! SO HENCEFORTH IF THE SITUATION IS REVERSED WE WILL ACT IN EXACTLY THE SAME MANNER AND NOT ALLOW YOU TO DO A "BHEJA-FRY" WITH US. WE WILL PRETEND THAT ALL'S WELL WITH THE WORLD! YOUR FEELINGS AND FLUCTUATING MOODS BE DAMNED!!

17) IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON'T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR.

MY REJOINDER:- AGREED!!! SO NOW DON'T KEEP ASKING ME IF YOUR PAUNCH IS STICKING OUT IN YOUR PINK SHIRT!! I AM SICK TO DEATH OF PUSSY FOOTING AROUND YOU ON ALL TOPICS CONCERNING YOUR VANITY!! I WILL TELL YOU THEN THAT YOU ARE LOOKING TWELVE MONTHS PREGNANT WITH QUADRUPLETS!! DON'T THEN ROAM AROUND WITH A HANG DOG EXPRESSION AND MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY!!

18) WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE...REALLY.

MY REJOINDER:- THIS ONE REALLY MAKES ME LAUGH BECAUSE ITS SUCH A LOAD OF CRAP!!!!UTTER AND TOTAL BULLSHIT!! YOU CENSOR OUR CLOTHES NON-STOP WHEN WE GET DRESSED TO GO TO A PARTY!!!SO TO SAVE TIME AND EFFORT, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TELL US WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE US TO BLOODY WEAR!! ITS LIKE A RUNNING CRICKET COMMENTARY--THIS DRESS IS TOO SHORT/TOO TIGHT, YOUR CLEAVAGE IS SHOWING/YOUR ASS IS SHOWING/SOMETIMES EVEN YOUR ARMS ARE SHOWING, THE LIPSTICK IS TOO RED/ THE BLUSH IS TOO PINK/THE PERFUME IS TOO STRONG!! WHAT THE SHIT? WHY DON'T WE JUST MIGRATE TO SAUDI ARABIA AND I WILL ONLY WEAR HIJAABS WITH SEQUINS WITH ONLY MY KOHL LINED EYES SHOWING!!

19) DON'T ASK US WHAT WE RE THINKING ABOUT UNLESS YOU ARE PREPARED TO DISCUSS TOPICS SUCH AS FOOTBALL OR CRICKET.

MY REJOINDER:-WE DON'T WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE THINKING!! PERIOD!!! IT JUST DRIVES OUR BLOOD PRESSURE UP!!OUR WORLD CAN BE COLLAPSING AROUND US-THE MAID ELOPES WITH THE DRIVER, THE COOK RUNS AWAY, TERMITES TAKE UP PERMANENT RESIDENCE IN OUR LIVING ROOM, BRAT NUMBER ONE FAILS MATHS , BRAT NUMBER TWO HAS BOILS ALL OVER HIS BODY BUT ALL THAT YOU BLOODY THINK OF IS GOLF OR FOOTBALL OR CRICKET!!! HOW WOULD SUCH MUNDANE/DOMESTIC ISSUES BOTHER YOU!!

20) YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.

MY REJOINDER:- YOU HAVE ENOUGH GREY STRIPED SUITS!! SO  KINDLY IMMEDIATELY ABORT PLANS OF ADDING A FIFTEENTH ONE TO YOUR RATHER EXHAUSTIVE YET DRAB COLLECTION. PLUS YOUR SUIT DEFINITELY COSTS MORE THAN MY DRESS!! SO PLEASE ZIP UP ON THIS ONE!!

21) YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.

MY REJOINDER:-SO DO YOU!! PLUS YOU HAVE THE MORE EXPENSIVE TOD'S AND L.V VARIETY!! WE MAKE DO WITH ZARA, NINE WEST AND ALDO!!!

22) I AM IN SHAPE. ROUND IS A SHAPE.

MY REJOINDER:-FINE!! THEN WHY DON'T YOU SHUT UP AND ACCEPT THAT I AM A SHAPE TOO-APPLE, PEAR WHATEVER!! WHAT IS THIS HOUR-GLASS FIGURE YOU KEEP BLABBERING ABOUT!!!DOUBLE STANDARDS TO THE NTH DEGREE!!! IT'S NOT HAPPENING AND IT'S NOT FAIR. SO KINDLY QUIT GLARING AT ME EVERY TIME I REACH OUT FOR A PARANTHA OR A PASTRY! CURVES ARE IN AND I AM VERY CURVACEOUS!!!





Sunday, 30 October 2011

PHAMILY BACATION!!!!

"PHAMILY BACATION!!!WAH DIDIZEEE!!! BERYY GOOD IDEA!!" THAT'S HOW MY DARLING SANTOSH (MY COOK) EXCLAIMED WHEN I TOLD HIM WEARILY THAT WE WERE GOING AWAY TO KASAULI FOR A FEW DAYS AFTER DIWALI!! I WISH I COULD HAVE MUSTERED THE SAME AMOUNT OF ENTHUSIASM AS HIM!! BUT HOWEVER HARD I TRIED I JUST COULDN'T BECAUSE I KNEW WHAT I HAD IN STORE FOR MYSELF!! FOR THE OTHERS IN THE "PHAMILY" IT WOULD BE A "BACATION" BUT FOR ME A LOT OF WORK AND DRUDGERY!! I WOULD BE THE GENERAL MAID-IN-WAITING WHO WOULD FIRST BE PACKING AND THEN UNPACKING (WHICH MEANT BATTLING THROUGH ENDLESS MOUNDS OF PSYCHEDELIC UNDERWEAR AND FLUORESCENT SOCKS) AND BE BASICALLY AT EVERY ONE'S BECK AND CALL!!! BY THE WAY VERY CURIOUS TO KNOW WHO WEARS PSYCHEDELIC UNDERWEAR AND FLUORESCENT SOCKS??!! WELL MY BRATS DO!! AND THEY WEAR THE SAID UNDERWEAR WITH APLOMB UNDER REALLY LOW SLUNG JEANS THAT ARE VISIBLE TO THE WORLD!! MODESTY WHERE ART THOU?!!ARE YOU LOST FOREVER? I WOULD BE REALLY EMBARRASSED IF MY PANTIES WERE PEAKING OUT FROM UNDER MY JEANS!! BUT I GUESS THIS IS WHAT GENERATION GAP IS ALL ABOUT!!

SANTOSH DARLING AND HIS MOTLEY CREW WERE THRILLED! NO DIDI ZI MEANT NO WORK AND FULL TIME MASTEEE SO HE MOUNTED A FULL SCALE ATTACK TO CONVINCE ME THAT I NEEDED A LONGER BRAKE (BREAK) THEN WAS PLANNED AND WAS WARKING TOO HARD AND WAS LOOKING BARY (VERY) BEAK (WEAK). HE SAID THAT THE BOUNTAIN (MOUNTAIN) AIR WOULD DO ME GOOD AND I MUST HAVE THE "GUDD KI ROTIS WITH DESI GHEE" TO REGAIN MY STRANGTH!!! ANYWAYS IN SPITE OF HIS BEST EFFORTS WE DIDN'T EXTEND OUR PLANS AND STUCK STEADFASTLY TO THE APPOINTED FOUR DAYS!! AND THE GUDD KI ROTIS WERE INDEED GREAT AND I BECAME ADDICTED TO THEM AND HAD THEM FOR BREAKFAST,LUNCH AND DINNER! THAT'S ANOTHER STORY ALTOGETHER AND WILL WRITE IT LATER! CAN JUST TELL YOU THAT HAVE COME BACK FIVE POUNDS HEAVIER AND THE ONLY THING FITTING MY AMPLE WAIST RIGHT NOW ARE MY VERY ELASTIC TIGHTS IN BLUE,BLACK AND GREY!!!THE JEANS I HAVE KEPT AWAY!! CANT EVEN SQUEEZE INTO THEM AT THE MOMENT!!!I AM MY TRAINERS NIGHTMARE RIGHT NOW!!!

SO AFTER STRUGGLING THROUGH MOUNDS OF CLOTHES,BOOKS,I-PODS,VIDEO GAMES,SHOES AND THE AFORE MENTIONED SOCKS AND UNDERWEAR, I FINALLY MANAGED TO SQUEEZE EVERYTHING INTO THREE LARGE SUITCASES (PLEASE NOTE THAT WE WERE ONLY GOING FOR FOUR DAYS!)WE FINALLY ARRIVED AT THE NEW DELHI RAILWAY STATION TO CATCH THE SHATABDI TO CHANDIGARH AT THE UNEARTHLY HOUR OF SEVEN AM (UNEARTHLY ACCORDING TO THE "KUMBHKARANS" IN MY PHAMILY). I MUST TELL YOU THAT I REALLY CONGRATULATED MYSELF  ON THAT ONE!!

HAD ACTUALLY GIVEN UP ALL HOPE AT SIX A.M AND HAD ALMOST SHATTERED POOR SANTOSH'S HEART TO SMITHEREENS WHEN TOLD HIM THAT PHAMILY BACATION CANCELLED SINCE THE PHAMILY FAST ASLEEP AND REFUSING TO BUDGE AND GET OUT OF BED!!MUST TELL YOU THAT HAVE NEVER SEEN SANTOSH MOVE SO FAST IN THE FIVE YEARS THAT HE HAS WORKED FOR US AND WITH SO MUCH ALACRITY AND PURPOSE!!! HE MADE IT HIS LIFE'S MISSION TO ROUSE ALL THE SLEEPY HEADS AND BUNDLED THEM INTO THE LOO TO WASH UP AND EVEN HELPED THEM TO GET DRESSED!! WOW!! EVEN SUPER MAN WOULD HAVE BEEN IMPRESSED AT HIS NOBLENESS OF MISSION AND SELFLESSNESS OF THOUGHT!!!WELL THANKS TO HIS SUSTAINED AND MONUMENTAL EFFORTS THE PHAMILY DID MANAGE TO STRUGGLE OUT OF BED (VERY UNHAPPILY THOUGH) AND MADE ITS GRUMPY,ILL TEMPERED WAY TO THE STATION.

WELL THE SHATABDI EXPRESS ARRIVED AT ITS APPOINTED HOUR AND THE CHADHA FAMILY KEPT THE FAMILY FLAG FLYING HIGH BY IMMEDIATELY PLUNGING INTO UTTER CHAOS AND CONFUSION!!! THE TICKETS WERE MYSTERIOUSLY MISPLACED BY MR.C AND COULDN'T BE FOUND IN SPITE OF COUNTLESS AND VERY THOROUGH BODY SEARCHES,THE GODDAMN COOLIE DISAPPEARED LEAVING US WITH THE GARGANTUAN SUITCASES,BRAT NUMBER ONE WAS SUDDENLY RAVENOUSLY HUNGRY AND WANTED INSTANT GRATIFICATION IN TERMS OF CHEESE PATTIES, BRAT NUMBER TWO SUDDENLY WANTED TO TAKE AN URGENT POOP AND COULDN'T HOLD ON EVEN FOR TEN MINUTES AND YOURS TRULY HAD A SUDDEN FAINTING SPELL (MAYBE DUE TO ALL THE STRESS OF PACKING AND LACK OF SLEEP!)

ANYWAYS WONDERS OF WONDERS WE DID MANAGE TO BOARD THE TRAIN AS ONE UNIT ,THOUGH MR.C COMPLAINED VERY VOCIFEROUSLY THAT HE HAD DISLOCATED A SHOULDER AND SLIPPED A DISC WHILE LIFTING THE BLOODY SUITCASES. WE ALSO FINALLY FOUND THE TICKETS WRAPPED UP IN TEN FOLDS INSIDE HIS WALLET, BOUGHT THE GODDAMN,OILY PATTIES AND ALSO BRAT NUMBER TWO AFTER MUCH WAILS AND PROTESTS MANAGED TO TAKE A DUMP IN THE STINKY,VOMIT INDUCING SHATABDI LOO WHILE I HELD HIS NOSE TIGHTLY AND ADVISED HIM TO BREATHE THROUGH HIS MOUTH.

SO MUST SAY THAT THE START OF THE JOURNEY WAS PRETTY MOMENTOUS BUT THINGS THANKFULLY SETTLED DOWN ONCE WE WERE COMFORTABLY ENCONSED IN OUR SEATS!! THE JOURNEY WAS FAIRLY PLEASANT MUCH TO MY SURPRISE AND WE ARRIVED WITHOUT ANY MAJOR MISHAP AT THE CHANDIGARH STATION. FROM THERE WE CAUGHT A CAB AND MADE OUR SLOW,UPHILL CLIMB TO KASAULI. IT TOOK US THREE HOURS AND THREE STOPS BUT WE MADE IT THERE AND ONCE WE WERE THERE IT WAS LIKE LITERALLY ALL MY TROUBLES AND STRESS MELTED AWAY INTO THE PURE MOUNTAIN AIR. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND VERDANT,THE AIR SO CRISP AND NIPPY,THE PEOPLE SO SIMPLE AND SMILING,THE FOOD SO BASIC AND DELICIOUS,THE GRASS SO GREEN AND THE FLOWERS-SO MANY FLOWERS-SO COLORFUL AND BRIGHT!! ALL THIS COMPLETELY LIFTED MY SPIRITS AND I FELT SO AT ONE WITH NATURE.FELT THIS DEEP SENSE OF CALM AND PEACE WHICH I HAVEN'T FELT FOR SOME TIME.

THE NEXT FOUR DAYS WERE SPENT IN EATING,SLEEPING,READING AND GOING FOR LONG WALKS (ACCORDING TO THE CHADHA PHAMILY'S LOFTY STANDARDS) AND PASSED QUITE QUICKLY AND PLEASANTLY. FOR ONCE THE BRATS WERE NOT GLUED TO THEIR T.V SCREENS OR LAPTOPS AND EVEN IGNORED THEIR MYRIAD NINTENDOS,PLAY STATIONS AND D.S'S!! THEY ACTUALLY PLAYED OUTDOOR SPORTS LIKE FOOTBALL,BADMINTON AND CRICKET. THEY READ COMICS AND MAGAZINES AND HAD DAL CHAWAAL WITHOUT CREATING A FUSS. IT WAS BLISSFUL AND THE BACATION PASSED ALL TOO QUICKLY AND THEN SUDDENLY IT WAS TIME TO COME BACK HOME. FOR ONCE WAS VERY REGRETFUL THAT HADN'T TAKEN SANTOSH'S ADVICE AND EXTENDED THE BACATION. ANYWAY ARRIVED BACK HOME LAST NIGHT AND THAT WAS PRETTY PLEASANT TOO!! NOTHING LIKE SLEEPING IN YOUR OWN BED CURLED UP UNDER YOUR FAVE BLANKET. HAPPY AND RESTED NOW!! ALL READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD!! BRING IT ON!!

Monday, 24 October 2011

"GHANTA AAL ISS WELL!!! "

I SAY THE ABOVE SPECIFICALLY WHEN ONE OR MORE OF THE BELOW HAPPENS:--

  • WHEN BRAT NUMBER TWO DOESN'T GIVE ME A WET SLOPPY KISS THE MOMENT HE WAKES UP AND TELLS ME "MOTU, I LOVE YOU".
  • WHEN YOU WALK OUT OF YOUR BEDROOM DOOR IN THE MORNING FEELING ALL FRESH AND CHEERY AND READY TO TAKE ON THE WORLD, THE FIRST THING THAT ASSAILS YOUR VERY FINELY TUNED SENSES IS A FOUL STENCH AND THEN A CONSIDERABLE MOUND OF ROMEOS (MY LABRADOR,S) POOP ON YOUR RATHER EXPENSIVE SILK CARPET. YOU RUSH BACK INTO YOUR BATHROOM FIRST TO THROW UP AND THEN TO GINGERLY SUMMON SOME POOR MINION TO CLEAN UP THE MESS! WHAT A START TO A BEAUTIFUL,SUNNY DAY!!! 
  • WHEN SANTOSH (MY LIVING IN LA-LA LAND COOK) MUCKS UP YET ANOTHER CUP OF DARJEELING TEA FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME!! HAVE REPEATEDLY EXPLAINED TO HIM PATIENTLY AND NOT SO PATIENTLY THAT DARJEELING TEA ONLY NEEDS TWO DROPS OF MILK YET HE INSISTS ON DROWNING IT IN MILK!! IT TASTES WORSE THAN ANY DISHWATER IN EXISTENCE!!! MIGHT AS WELL DRINK DISHWATER-I AM SURE IT WILL TASTE BETTER THAN THIS CLOUDY,MURKY MESS!
  • WHEN ANYONE NAMED PRINCE OR BITTU OR TITTU IS ADDRESSING ME AND GIVING ME INGRATIATING SMILES PREFIXING AND SUFFIXING EVERY SENTENCE WITH "MADAMJEEE".
  • WHEN YOU HEAR "DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE" WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A SECOND AND ARE GETTING LATE FOR A GODDAMN DENTAL APPOINTMENT/PARENT TEACHERS MEETING/TORTURE SESSION WITH YOUR PERSONAL TRAINER/BIKINI WAX AT THE LOCAL SALON!!!! 
  • WHEN VODAFONE/AIRTEL KEEP CALLING YOU INCESSANTLY FOR SOME BILL PAYMENT WHICH HAPPENED SIX MONTHS AGO AND KEEP INSISTING ON YOU GIVING THEM  THE BLOODY CHEQUE NUMBER!!! I COULD COMMIT MURDER IN COLD BLOOD IN THAT INSTANT!!!
  • WHEN CITIBANK/STANDARD CHARTERED BANK KEEPS CALLING YOU AND THRUSTING SOME FESTIVAL LOAN SCHEME DOWN YOUR THROAT AT SOME OBSCENE RATE OF INTEREST!!!! I DON'T NEED YOUR GODDAMN LOANS!! I WILL SURVIVE!!! THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
  • WHEN THE DAY STARTS OUT WITH THE HYSTERICAL ANTICS OF "SHINCHAN", "DORAEMON AND NOBITA" OR ANY OTHER ANIMATED CHARACTER ON T.V AT FULL VOLUME!!!! WHY LORD WHY ARE WE SUBJECTED TO THIS NOW??!! WHAT ABOUT GOOD OLD "TOM AND JERRY"!! BUT I BELIEVE THE POOR CAT AND MOUSE ARE COMPLETELY PASSE THESE DAYS SO HAVE TO ENDURE WITH GRITTED TEETH THE BEFORE MENTIONED ODD-BALLS!! 
  • WHEN YOU GET INTO THE CAR, OUTRAGEOUSLY LATE AS USUAL, TO DROP THE BRATS OFF TO SCHOOL AND THE BLOODY CAR WONT START!!THE CAR IS NOT TO BLAME! IT HAS BEEN WARNING YOU REPEATEDLY IN THE PAST TWO DAYS THAT ITS RUNNING ON RESERVE WHILE YOU HAVE BEEN STOICALLY IGNORING THE MAD BLINKING YELLOW/RED LIGHT RUSHING AROUND SHOPPING AND MEETING AND GREETING !!! SO OBVIOUSLY EVERY LITTLE DROP OF FUEL HAS BEEN SQUEEZED OUT OF IT AND NOW IT JUST WONT EVEN START!!! WANT TO SCREAM BLUE MURDER!! ANOTHER ENFORCED "CHUTTI" TODAY!!! THE BRATS ARE THRILLED!! 
  • WHEN YOU ORGANIZE YOUR PURSE FOR THE HUNDREDTH TIME THIS WEEK  AND STILL CANT FIND YOUR KEYS OR WALLET OR PHONE!!! BHAGWAAN BACHALO!!!
  • WHEN YOU SPEND MORE THAN YOU MAKE AND YOUR CREDIT CARD STATEMENT IS A MILE LONG FILLED WITH ALMOST IMPOSSIBLE CHARGES FROM "ZARA","MANGO","ALDO","NINE WEST" ETC AND YOU HAVE TO HIDE IT FROM HUBBY DEAREST LIKE SOME ILLICIT LOVE LETTER!!! 
  • WHEN THE GORGEOUS BABY PINK STILETTOS FIT LIKE A GLOVE IN THE STORE BUT START TO HURT LIKE CRAZY WHEN YOU ARE ALL DOLLED UP FOR A PARTY AND WALKING OUT OF THE FRONT DOOR. YOU SPEND THE REST OF THE EVENING HOBBLING AROUND WITH A PAINED SMILE AND APPLYING BAND-AIDS ON EVERY INCH OF YOUR FOOT!!! THAT IS IF YOU HAVE THE FORESIGHT TO CARRY THE BAND-AIDS IN THE FIRST PLACE!!! 
  • WHEN YOUR RAPIDLY EXPANDING ARSE WONT FIT INTO THE TWENTY GRAND  "TRUE RELIGION"JEANS THAT YOU JUST BOUGHT LAST MONTH!!!
  • WHEN THE SKIMPY HALTER DRESS THAT YOU JUST BOUGHT FROM "FRENCH CONNECTION" WONT EVEN BUDGE DOWN YOUR SHOULDERS! CRAP!! AND ONCE YOU FINALLY OVERCOME THE SHOULDER HURDLE AFTER MUCH HUFFING AND PUFFING, IT ENCOUNTERS THE NEXT LOGICAL ROAD BLOCK (OUT OF A SENSE OF MODESTY WILL NOT SPECIFICALLY SAY WHICH ONE)!!THAT'S IT! ITS A NO GO!!ITS JUST NOT HAPPENING HOWEVER MUCH I PULL AND TUG! HAVE TO ABANDON MY FUTILE EFFORTS!! HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU GO FROM 34 D TO 40 F IN ONE WEEK!!! BEYOND MY COMPREHENSION AND ANY LOGICAL EXPLANATION!! AT LEAST WILL NEVER NEED ANY TYPE OF AUGMENTATION SURGERY!! AT LAST SOME MONEY SAVED!! YIPPEE!
  • WHEN THE HOLIDAYS STRETCH OUT ENDLESSLY AND YOU HAVE TO CONSTANTLY KEEP TWO VERY SULKY,GROUCHY,RUDE BRATS ENTERTAINED WHO ARE PERPETUALLY BORED!!WHAT HAPPENED TO JUST PICKING UP A BOOK AND READING!! "BOOK??? WHATS THAT??!! WOH KIS JEEV/JANTU/PRANI KA NAAM HAI" RETORT THE BRATS!!! SIGH! I GIVE UP!! I AM TAKING SANYAS AND RETREATING TO THE MOUNTAINS!! ANYONE JOINING ME TO KEEP ME COMPANY?! 
  • WHEN YOU ARE ON A DIET AND ARE JUST SUPPOSED TO INGEST BOILED VEGETABLES AND GRILLED CHICKEN, YOU ARE ASSAULTED BY MUTTON BIRYANI,RAARHA GOSHT, BUTTER CHICKEN,DAAL MAKHANI, SHAHI PANEER AND BUTTER, GARLIC NAAN!! I AM MOANING IN AGONY NOW!! THERE GOES THE GODDAMN DIET AND THE GODDAMN WAIST LINE!!" KHAO PIYO MAST RAHO YAAR", I SAY TO MYSELF! I PROMISE I WILL BE SINGING A DIFFERENT TUNE TOMORROW--ONE THATS NOT SO CHEERY AND PLEASANT! MORE ON THE LINES OF "MAAR DAALA, ALLAH! MAAR DAALA" A LA  MADHURI DIXIT IN THE MOVIE "DEVDAS".
  • WHEN PAMMI AND PREETA AUNTIES DECIDE TO DROP IN UNANNOUNCED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AFTERNOON BEARING DIWALI GOODIES!! THEY CATCH ME  IN A RATHER DEBAUCHED STATE -LET ME HASTILY ADD, AS PER THEIR RATHER LOFTY STANDARDS-WEARING SHORTS, SMOKING AN OCCASIONAL SMOKE AND DOWNING ENDLESS JUGS OF SANGRIA WITH MY GIRLFRIENDS!! I HAVE HAD IT!! THERE GOES MY SATI-SAVITRI, FEET TOUCHING, IDEAL BAHU IMAGE!!  ITS IRREDEEMABLE NOW!! I AM NOW FOREVER CLASSIFIED AS THE WANTON SHREW WHO DRINKS AND SMOKES AND ROAMS AROUND "NANGU-PANGU" WEARING "KACHCHAS" IN THE HOUSE!! 
  • WHEN MY DEAREST MOM CALLS ME FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME IN TWO DAYS REMINDING ME OF THE INDRAPRASTHA PIPED GAS CONNECTION WHICH I MUST PROCURE AND THE HOMEOPATHIC PILLS I MUST POP TO WARD OFF MY MIGRAINES!! I WISH SHE WOULD COMPREHEND THAT MOST OF THE TIMES SHE'S THE REASON FOR MY MIGRAINES! IF ONLY SHE WOULD STOP NAGGING ME I WOULD GET THE TIME TO POP THE BLESSED PILLS AND PROCURE THE SAID GAS CONNECTION!
  • WHEN AFTER A RIGOROUS AND TORTUROUS PERSONAL TRAINING SESSION LASTING AN HOUR AND A HALF WITH MY SADISTIC AND VERY HITLER TYPE TRAINER, HE JUST CASUALLY MENTIONS THAT "THODA CARDIO BHI KARO LO, AADHA-EK GHANTE KE LIYE". GOD! HELP! THIS CANT BE HAPPENING! I AM READY TO COLLAPSE AND BE CARRIED HOME ON A STRETCHER AND HE WANTS ME TO EXERCISE SOME MORE!!








Sunday, 23 October 2011

BITS AND PIECES OF ME!!!

WELL I HAVE BEEN BLOGGING FOR CLOSE TO A MONTH NOW AND HAVE GOT 1016 PAGE VIEWS AS OF THIS MOMENT. I AM PRETTY THRILLED AND HAVE PLANNED A LITTLE,SECRET CELEBRATION FOR MYSELF WHEN I HIT 2000 PAGE VIEWS!!! COME ON FOLKS..HELP ME IN MY MISSION!! READ, READ AND READ SOME MORE....MY BLOG SPECIFICALLY!

IN LIGHT OF THE ABOVE, I FEEL THAT I OWE MY READERS-YOU- A LITTLE GLIMPSE INTO MY PERSONAL LIFE AND FOR YOU TO GET TO KNOW ME A LITTLE BETTER AND FIGURE OUT WHAT REALLY MAKES ME TICK OR WHAT REALLY GETS MY GOAT!!

TO GET GOING AND TO FEEL MOTIVATED, I HAVE DECIDED TO ANSWER A FEW (NOT ALL!) QUESTIONS ABOUT MYSELF...SOME TRIVIAL AND SUPERFICIAL AND SOME MORE DEEP AND MEANINGFUL. THIS IS A JOURNEY THAT I AM STARTING IN A HOPE NOT ONLY FOR YOU TO DISCOVER ME BUT  ALSO IN A HOPE FOR ME TO DISCOVER MYSELF AND WHAT I REALLY BELIEVE IN AND STAND FOR!!

SO LETS START:

WHATS YOUR NAME? MY NAME IS SHEEBA A.K.A SHEEBU,SHEEBI,SHEEBERS AND SABUNI (COINED BY MR. C).

HOW OLD ARE YOU? I AM NOT GOING TO GIVE YOU A SPECIFIC ANSWER. LETS SAY IN MY MID-THIRTIES!

WHAT ARE YOUR CURRENT LIVING ARRANGEMENTS? I CURRENTLY LIVE IN NEW DELHI,INDIA. THERE'S ME,MY DARLING (!!!) HUSBAND, MY TWO BRATTY BOYS THAT DRIVE ME BATTY, MY DOG ROMEO WHO HAPPENS TO BE THE NEEDIEST DOG IN THE WORLD AND LITERALLY LICKS ME TO DEATH AND MY VERY SWEET BUT INEFFICIENT STAFF WHO DRIVE ME LOONY SOMETIMES WITH THEIR DISORGANISATION AND BLANK LOOKS!!!

HOW DID YOU NAME YOUR BLOG? I AM A BIT OF A MAD,CRAZY PERSON SO HAVE A BIT OF A MAD,CRAZY LIFE. THE CHOICE WAS OBVIOUS.

WHAT WERE YOUR ASPIRATIONS WHEN YOU WERE YOUNGER? PLEASE DON'T LAUGH BUT I WANTED TO BE A BOLLYWOOD HEROINE FOLLOWING ON THE PATHS OF ZEENAT AMAN OR PARVEEN BABI. WANTED TO BE VIEWED AS THIS UTTERLY BOHEMIAN,INDEPENDENT,STRONG WOMAN WHO LIVED LIFE ON HER OWN TERMS AND WAS UTTERLY GORGEOUS AND BROKE HEARTS LEFT,RIGHT AND CENTER!!! I RECALL THAT LATER ALSO WANTED TO BE A SINGER LIKE ALISHA CHINAI BUT SADLY I REALISED VERY EARLY ON THAT I BRAY WORSE THAN A DONKEY AND SHOULDN'T INFLICT THAT EVEN ON THE PEOPLE CLOSEST TO ME.

WHAT IS YOUR IDEAL JOB? I WOULD LOVE TO BE A WRITER. I LOVE TO SEE A FINISHED PIECE AND KNOW THAT IT WAS A CREATION OF MY MIND AND MY THOUGHTS. WRITING IS A VERY CREATIVE PROCESS AND TAKES TIME,EFFORT AND COMMITMENT-A HUGE AMOUNT OF COMMITMENT AND DISCIPLINE. I LOVE KNOWING THAT I HAVE AT LEAST SOME OF THOSE QUALITIES  AND THAT YOU-MY READERS- ARE ACTUALLY READING SOMETHING THAT IS A PART OF ME AND HOPEFULLY ENJOYING IT. FINGERS AND TOES CROSSED!!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE? I ADORE 'KAL HO NA HO" IN THE BOLLYWOOD FILMS BECAUSE IT HAS A LITTLE BIT OF EVERYTHING THAT APPEALS TO ME-HUMOUR,ROMANCE,MISCHIEF,TRAGEDY. AMONG THE HOLLYWOOD  MOVIES I LOVE 'LOVESTORY" MORE OR LESS FOR THE SAME REASONS AS ENUMERATED ABOVE.

WHERE DO YOU SEE YOURSELF IN FIVE YEARS? I SEE MYSELF AS FREE IN THE NEXT FIVE YEARS NOT THAT I AM BOUND AND SHACKLED RIGHT NOW BUT FREE FROM THE CONSTANT RESPONSIBILITY OF TENDING TO MY KIDS AND WORRYING ABOUT THEM. MY ELDER SON WOULD BE THROUGH COLLEGE AND THE YOUNGER ONE JUST GETTING READY FOR IT. I AM HOPING THAT IN THE NEXT FIVE YEARS I CAN GET A CAREER AND PERHAPS BE IN A BETTER PLACE MENTALLY. I AM WORKING ON  MY PLANS TO ATTAIN BIGGER,BETTER THINGS FOR THE FUTURE.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BOOK OF ALL TIME? "THE SECRET" BY RHONDA BRYNE. I TURN TO IT EVERY TIME I AM FEELING LOW AND DOWN AND IT ALWAYS MANAGES TO UPLIFT MY SPIRITS AND MOOD.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF? DEATH AND LONELINESS. THOUGH I THINK I COPE WITH BEING ALONE QUITE WELL. I HAVE A HUSBAND WHO WORKS THE MOST OBSCENE HOURS AND TRAVELS OUT OF TOWN AT LEAST TEN DAYS A MONTH SO I HAVE MANAGED TO BEFRIEND MYSELF AND FIND THE SILENCES QUITE COMFORTING AT TIMES.

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE QUOTE? "BE WHO YOU ARE AND SAY WHAT YOU FEEL BECAUSE THOSE WHO MIND DON'T MATTER AND THOSE WHO MATTER DON'T MIND"--DR. SEUSS

WHAT WAS YOUR CHILDHOOD LIKE? MY CHILDHOOD WAS DIFFICULT TO PUT IT POLITELY. MY FATHER WAS QUITE FOND OF THE ODD DRINK OR TWO AND WAS QUITE THE LADIES MAN AND PASSED AWAY WHEN I WAS TWELVE. TIMES WERE DIFFICULT AND CHALLENGING BUT THAT PHASE TOO PASSED.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE YOURSELF FIVE YEARS AGO? FIVE YEARS FROM NOW? FIVE YEARS AGO I WOULD HAVE TOLD MYSELF TO LET THINGS GO. I WOULD HAVE EXPLAINED TO MYSELF THAT WHAT SEEMS SO OBSESSIVELY IMPORTANT NOW ,WILL REALLY  HAVE NO MEANING TOMORROW. I WOULD HAVE TOLD MYSELF TO SURROUND MYSELF WITH POSITIVE/HAPPY PEOPLE AND LET GO OF SITUATIONS AND PEOPLE WHICH GET ME DOWN.FOR THE NEXT FIVE YEARS I WILL REPEAT THE SAME THINGS TO MYSELF. I WANT TO KEEP FOCUSED ON MYSELF AND MY NEEDS/DESIRES/GOALS AND HAPPINESS. EVERYTHING ELSE WILL FALL INTO PLACE.

HOW DO YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED BY PEOPLE? I WANT TO BE REMEMBERED AS SOMEONE WHO WAS LOVING,WARM,GENEROUS,OUTSPOKEN,OUTGOING AND OUTRAGEOUS-LIVED HER LIFE TO THE FULLEST!!

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? I CRIED LAST NIGHT. I FIND TEARS VERY CLEANSING AND FUNNILY ALWAYS  FEEL BETTER AND BRIGHTER AFTER A GOOD CRY. I CRY OFTEN-TEARS DO HEAL ME! I AM A SENSITIVE PERSON AND ALSO BAWL WHEN I AM REALLY PISSED OFF!!

YOUR BIGGEST PET PEEVE? I HATE PEOPLE WHO TALK DOWN TO ME.

WHAT KIND OF A DRUNK ARE YOU? FORTUNATELY I DON'T GET DRUNK TOO OFTEN!! ONCE IN A BLUE MOON WHEN WE ARE CELEBRATING AN OCCASION OR SOMETHING ,THEN I CONFESS THAT I REALLY OVER DO IT AND AM A VERY BADLY BEHAVED DRUNK! I GET OVERLY EMOTIONAL AND GO AROUND EXPRESSING MY DEEPEST AFFECTION TO ALL THOSE WHO ARE CLOSE TO ME, I LOSE ALL SENSE OF BALANCE AND KEEP TRIPPING MUCH TO MR.C'S EXTREME EMBARRASSMENT AND DISCOMFITURE. I AM FAR TOO HONEST TO DRINK BECAUSE I DON'T THINK BEFORE I SPEAK AND JACK DANIEL'S REALLY LOOSENS UP MY TONGUE!

WHAT DO YOU OFFER TO A RELATIONSHIP? I OFFER DEEP/ABIDING LOVE AND EQUAL RESPECT.I AM ALSO A DEEPLY PASSIONATE PERSON WHO NEVER HOLDS BACK IN SHOWING GENUINE AFFECTION. I OFFER THAT I WILL DO UNTO YOU ONLY AS YOU DO UNTO ME.

WHAT MAKES YOU REALLY ANGRY? LONG LIST....BUT TO NAME A FEW....PEOPLE WHO PUT OTHERS DOWN,MEN HITTING WOMEN,RAPE,VIOLENCE,CHILD ABUSE,IGNORANCE,SELF-ABSORBED,INCONSIDERATE PEOPLE,PEOPLE WHO SET OUT TO HURT OTHER PEOPLE INTENTIONALLY.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN FATE AND DESTINY? YES I DO. I BELIEVE EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON. AND ONE CAN NEVER FIGHT THE WILL OF GOD!!

WHAT STEREOTYPE DO PEOPLE MAKE BASED ON YOUR APPEARANCE? I THINK THEY THINK I AM JUST THIS DUMB BIMBETTE BECAUSE I AM PRETTY. THAT I DON'T HAVE A MIND OR A BRAIN OR A VIEW POINT. MOST PISSING OFF!

WHAT DO YOU LOVE ABOUT THE CITY YOU LIVE IN? WHAT DO YOU HATE? I LOVE THE CONSTANT CHAOS,THE EXCITEMENT,THE SIGHTS AND SMELLS....I HATE PRETTY MUCH THE SAME!

ARE YOU SURE OF WHAT YOU WANT TO DO IN LIFE? NOT AT ALL--NEVER HAVE BEEN AND NEVER WILL BE. I CHANGE MY MIND ALMOST DAILY ON MY LIFE'S DIRECTION...SO I TRY AND STICK WITH THE FEW THINGS THAT I ENJOY CONSISTENTLY LIKE WRITING AND MUSIC!!!!

WHAT IS YOUR FAVE SMELL? SOUND? I LOVE THE SMELL OF JASMINE FLOWERS. I LOVE THE SOUND OF A BABY'S GLEEFUL LAUGHTER-IT'S THE MOST PLEASING SOUND IN THE WORLD TO ME.

WHAT'S YOUR VIEW ON RELIGION? I BELIEVE IN ALL RELIGIONS AND RESPECT ALL OF THEM BECAUSE ESSENTIALLY EVERY RELIGION PREACHES THE SAME. ALL RELIGIONS HAVE EQUAL REPRESENTATION IN MY HOUSE AND WE CELEBRATE ALL THE MAJOR FESTIVALS.

Wednesday, 19 October 2011

I WANT TO BREAK FREE OR AT LEAST I WANT TO BREAK MY HEAD!!

SINCE I KEEP RAVING AND RANTING ABOUT INNER PEACE AND CALM I HAD TO SHARE THE BELOW WITH YOU:--
THIS IS TOO CUTE --: I'M PASSING THIS ON BECAUSE IT WORKED FOR ME TODAY. A DOCTOR ON T.V SAID TO HAVE INNER PEACE WE SHOULD ALWAYS FINISH THINGS WE START AND WE COULD USE MORE CALM IN OUR LIVES. I LOOKED AROUND MY HOUSE TO FIND THINGS I'D STARTED AND HADN'T FINISHED. SO I FINISHED OFF MY BOTTLE OF TEQUILA, A BOTTLE OF  MERLOT, A BOTTLE OF CHARDONNAY,A BODLE OF WAILEY'S(bailey's),A BUTLE OF WUM(rum),THE (re)MAINDER OF VALIUMINIUM SCRIPTINS(prescriptions) AND A BOX (sorry)CARTON OF LIQUOR HIC! CHOCLETZ. YU HAF NO IDEAR HOW FABULUS I FEEL RITE NOW. SNED(send) THIS TO ALL WHO NEED INNER PISS. AN TELUM I LUUUVUM...BARF!! PUKE!! RUNNING TO THE LOO! INNER AND OUTER PISS ACHIEVED!!

SERIOUSLY, SOME PEOPLE NEED LIVES...NOT THAT I AM ONE TO TALK. MY DAILY ROUTINE CONSISTS OF RISING AT THE UNEARTHLY HOUR OF 5.30 AM TO ROUSE MY STAFF TO GET THE "ESKOOL" BANDWAGON ROLLING, PULLING TWO EXTREMELY SLEEPY,GROUCHY, RELUCTANT KIDS OUT FROM UNDER THEIR DUVETS AND SUMO WRESTLING WITH THEM TO  THE SHOWER, FORCE FEEDING THEM BOTH AN APPLE AND A BANANA, BEGGING AND PLEADING WITH THEM TO DOWN A GLASS OF MILK WHILE AT THE SAME TIME HYSTERICALLY AND LOUDLY PROPOUNDING THE BENEFITS OF CALCIUM AND PROTEIN AND WHAT HAVE YOU!! AND THEN ALSO DRIVING HELTER SKELTER LIKE A FORMULA ONE RACE DRIVER TO THE BUS-STOP TO SEE THAT MY BELOVED ANGELS (!!!) GET TO BOARD THEIR SCHOOL BUS TO GET TO THEIR GODDAMN SCHOOL!! SIGH! CAN TAKE A DEEP BREATH NOW!! SOME PEACE AND CALM NOW TILL THE REDOUBTABLE MR.C ROUSES FROM HIS DEEP SLUMBER AND STARTS MAKING HIS USUAL DEMANDS!!!

AN ABSOLUTE DETEST FOR MY MUNDANE LIFE HAS TAKEN OVER ME. THE REGULARITY,PREDICTABILITY AND ROUTINE OF MY EVERYDAY LIFE ARE NUMBING MY MIND. I NEED A CHANGE OR AT LEAST SOME INSPIRATION/MOTIVATION TO GET THROUGH THE LOOOOONNG DAYS. THE BRIEF ENCOUNTERS THAT I AM HAVING WITH MOTHER NATURE WHERE SHE CANT DECIDE WHETHER ITS SUMMER OR START OF WINTERS AND THE CORRESPONDING COLD,COUGH,SORE THROAT ETC IS INTENSIFYING MY WRETCHED MOOD!! I THINK I NEED TO GET MOOD STABILIZERS AKIN TO VOLTAGE STABILIZERS FITTED INTO MY BRAIN. DO YOU THINK I CAN GOOGLE THOSE OR WOULD THEY BE AVAILABLE ON AMAZON??!!

BASICALLY, TO PUT IT SIMPLY----I QUIT!!!!

I HAVE DECIDED THAT FROM THIS POINT FORWARD I AM OFFICIALLY ON STRIKE!! THE SHEEBA BENEVOLENT STORE IS SHUT/CLOSED DOWN. THIS SCENARIO WILL PREVAIL UNTIL ONE OR MORE OF THE FOLLOWING THINGS HAPPEN:--

A KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR ON A WHITE HORSE COMES AND JUST SWEEPS  ME OFF MY FEET AND WHISKS ME AWAY TO A LAND OF POETRY,ROMANCE,WINE ,MUSIC AND GREAT FOOD!!

THE MOTHER OF THE BRATS RETURNS AND TAKES THEM BACK WHERE THEY CAME FROM (THE LITTLE DEVILS-MOST LIKELY FROM THE GATES OF HELL -DISGUISED AS ANGELS!) OR THEY AT LEAST STOP CALLING ME MOM AND EXPECTING ME TO BE AT THEIR BECK AND CALL AND TO CARE FOR THEM 24/7.

I GET A WHOLE TEAM OF FAIRY GODMOTHERS WITH THEIR MAGICAL WANDS WHO CAN DO THE WORK OF PLUMBERS ,ELECTRICIANS AND CARPENTERS TO SORT OUT THE MYRIAD ISSUES PLAGUING MY HOUSE. OR AT LEAST MARY POPPINS ARRIVES VIA UMBRELLA ( SERVING AS A PARACHUTE) TO MAKE OUR HOUSE A MAGICAL,WONDROUS PLACE TO LIVE IN.

I WAKE UP TO A SPOTLESS HOUSE,A LOVING HUSBAND AND WELL-BEHAVED KIDS THAT ACTUALLY LISTEN TO WHAT I HAVE TO SAY AND DO AS THEY ARE TOLD-WITHOUT ARGUMENTS,STRESS OR ENDLESS STUPID QUESTIONS!!

I WAKE UP TOMORROW AND DISCOVER THAT I HAVE BECOME KAREENA KAPOOR WITH SAIF ALI KHAN IN TOW (I MEAN I REALLY LIKE HIM!). I WOULD SETTLE FOR THAT I SUPPOSE! I MEAN IF I HAD TO SETTLE OF COURSE!

BUT SINCE NONE OF THESE THINGS IS GOING TO HAPPEN AND I AM LIVING IN A SERIOUSLY DERANGED,DELUSIONAL FAIRY TALE I CONFRONT THE HARSH REALITIES AS ENUMERATED BELOW:--

MY KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR IS NEVER ARRIVING SINCE HE DOESN'T EXIST.

MY TEAM OF FAIRY GODMOTHERS AND MARY POPPINS ARE HIGH ON CRACK AND LYING DOPED OUT SOMEWHERE.

I MAY WAKE UP TO A LOVING HUSBAND....BUT HE WILL HAVE TO LEAVE BEFORE MINE GETS HOME...

I WILL NEVER EVER WAKE UP TO A SPOTLESS HOUSE BECAUSE I HAVE CHILDREN AND A DOG!!

NO MATTER HOW HARD I WISH AND NO MATTER HOW MANY TIMES I CLOSE MY EYES AND PRAY FERVENTLY TO ALLAHMIA!...I WILL NOT WAKE UP AS KAREENA KAPOOR WHICH I SUPPOSE IS BETTER ANYWAY....THE "STARDUST","FILMFARE" AND "CINEBLITZ" MAGAZINES WOULD HAVE A FRENZY IF THE LITTLE KAPOOR PRINCESS (KAREENA! WHO ELSE!) HAD A POTTY MOUTH LIKE ME..... CAN YOU IMAGINE THE HEADLINES WHEN THEY DISCOVERED I WAS AN UNWED MOTHER OF TWO CRAZY CHILDREN---POOR SAIFU!...WHO SOMEHOW HAD MANAGED TO HIGH JACK THE VAST PATAUDI HAVELI AND STEAL SOMEONES LIFE!!

NO, I WILL CONTINUE LIVING MY LIFE...I WILL BE A BITCH BECAUSE I AM BORED. I WILL WHINE THAT I AM UNHAPPY.I WILL WALLOW IN SELF PITY AND SHED SILENT TEARS PRETENDING TO BE THE MODERN DAY MEENA KUMARI. I WILL DREAM/FANTASISE OF SAIFU, FARHAN AKHTAR AND GEORGE CLOONEY AND NOT NECESSARILY IN THAT ORDER. I WILL SCREAM WHEN I AM MAD AND LAUGH AND SWEAR ALTERNATELY AT THE STUPID/INANE THINGS THAT MY BRATS, DARLING HUBBY AND ROMEO(MY LABRADOR) DO!! I WILL ALSO THREATEN TO PUT UP MY KIDS FOR ADOPTION IF THEY HARASS ME ANY FURTHER, SO DON'T BE SHOCKED AND GOGGLE-EYED FOLKS!! BUT SERIOUSLY....IF YOU DON'T HEAR FROM ME.....BE WORRIED....BECAUSE I WILL PROBABLY DROWN WHILE FISHING ROMEO'S  POOP OUT OF THE SWIMMING POOL (YES! I HAVE A GODDAMN SWIMMING POOL IN MY HOUSE WHICH IS A REAL PAIN IN THE BUTT TO MAINTAIN!!!) CHEERS !!AND WHERE IS THAT BLOODY BODLE OF WUM AND TEQUILA?!! HIC! HIC!! HURRAY!!


THE MANTRAS OF MY LIFE!!!

LIFE IS ALL ABOUT LEARNING AND LESSONS.SOME LESSONS ARE PLEASANT AND SOME NOT SO, BUT IN THE END THEY ALL TEACH US SOMETHING. SOME LESSONS TEACH YOU HUMILITY,SOME TEACH YOU PRIDE,SOME KINDNESS AND SOME COURAGE. LIFE IS ALL ABOUT MAKING MISTAKES,ACCEPTING THEM AND MOVING ON! KEEP YOUR CHIN UP AND ENJOY LIFE FOR WHAT IT HAS TO OFFER-BOTH THE GOOD AND BAD-AND THEN YOU HAVE LIVED A LIFE!! ALWAYS REMEMBER THAT THIS (WHETHER GOOD AR BAD) TOO SHALL PASS. NOTHING IN LIFE IS PERMANENT SO HOLD ON TO THE JOYS AND HAPPY MEMORIES AND LET GO OF THE STUFF THAT GETS YOU DOWN.
               
                           "WAKING UP THIS MORNING, I SMILE,
                   TWENTY-FOUR BRAND NEW HOURS ARE BEFORE ME,
                    I VOW TO LIVE FULLY IN EACH MOMENT.............."
                           ---THICH NHAT HANH----

I AM ENUMERATING BELOW SOME OF MY LIFE'S MANTRAS.HOPE YOU FIND THEM USEFUL:--

FAMILY IS PRECIOUS/PRICELESS. THEY ARE THE ONLY CONSTANTS IN YOUR LIFE. EVERYTHING AND EVERYBODY ELSE IS VARIABLE-THEY WILL COME AND GO. SO LOOK AFTER YOUR SPOUSE,PARENTS,SIBLINGS AND CHILDREN. KEEP THEM CLOSE TO YOUR HEART. THEY WILL BE THE ONLY ONES WATCHING YOUR BACK WHEN THE STAKES ARE DOWN.

HAPPINESS LIES WITHIN YOU. ITS NOT A PARTICULAR SITUATION-ITS A STATE OF MIND. YOU CAN CHOOSE TO BE HAPPY OR UNHAPPY. EVERYTHING IN LIFE HAS A POSITIVE AND A NEGATIVE. ONLY YOU CAN CHOOSE TO SEE THE POSITIVE AND IGNORE THE NEGATIVE. YOU MAKE THAT DECISION. NO ONE ELSE CAN DO IT ON YOUR BEHALF.

NOT EVERYONE CAN BE YOUR FRIEND AND LIKE YOU. THE CONVERSE HOLDS TRUE AS WELL. THERE IS NOTHING THAT YOU CAN SAY OR DO TO FORCE SOMEONE TO LIKE YOU OR WANT TO BE WITH YOU. ACCEPT THAT FACT AND MOVE ON. SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO LIKE YOU. THRIVE ON THEIR POSITIVITY, LIVE-OFF THEIR FEEL GOOD VIBES.

YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON ON THE PLANET FOR YOU. YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT/MANAGING DIRECTOR/C.E.O OF YOUR OWN ENTERPRISE. YOU CALL ALL THE SHOTS. YOU ARE A V.V.V.V.I.P IN YOUR EYES. YOU DESERVE THE BEST. YOUR NEEDS AND DESIRES COME FIRST. GUILT,REGRET,PROCRASTINATION HAS NO PART TO PLAY HERE BECAUSE ONLY WHEN YOU ARE KIND TO YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN BE KIND TO OTHERS. ONLY WHEN YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST WILL YOU BE ABLE TO TAKE CARE OF SOMEONE ELSE'S NEED. SO BE YOUR OWN MOST FAVORITE PERSON AS IMMORTALISED BY KAREENA KAPOOR IN 'JAB WE MET". AND REMEMBER IF YOU DON'T LOVE YOURSELF HOW DO YOU EXPECT OTHERS TO LOVE YOU?!! PLAIN AND SIMPLE LOGIC.

NEVER BE AFRAID OF YOUR INDIVIDUALITY OR THE PERSON THAT YOU ARE. ITS THAT WHAT MAKES YOU-YOU! YOU MAYBE A CONTRADICTING BUNDLE OF IDIOSYNCRASIES AND ECCENTRICITIES BUT THAT MAKES YOU UNIQUE AND SPECIAL. DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY-THE WORLD BE DAMNED! NEVER COMPROMISE ON YOUR VALUES,IDEALS AND BELIEFS. KEEP REEVALUATING AND KEEP SEEKING WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.

FRIENDS AND FRIENDSHIPS NEVER LAST FOREVER (EVEN THOUGH WE MAY FERVENTLY HOPE THAT THEY DO). PEOPLE CHANGE,MOVE ON,DRIFT AWAY,GROW APART,FADE AWAY OR DIE OFF. BE YOUR OWN BEST FRIEND. RELY ONLY ON YOURSELF AND YOUR OWN RESOURCES.

FALL IN LOVE ONCE,TWICE,THRICE! NEVER BE AFRAID OF OR TOO CYNICAL OF OR BE TOO WORLDLY WISE FOR LOVE. AND BELIEVE ME YOU ARE NEVER TOO OLD TO FALL IN LOVE. ITS THE ONE ALL CONSUMING/ALL EMBRACING EMOTION THAT CAN LIFT YOU  AND YOUR SPIRITS UP AND MAKE YOU THE BEST PERSON THAT YOU CAN EVER BE. AS JACK NICHOLSON SAYS TO HELEN HUNT IN "AS GOOD AS IT GETS", "YOU MAKE ME WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON". THATS WHAT LOVE DOES TO YOU. IT SOFTENS YOU,MELLOWS YOU AND MAKES YOU A KINDER AND GENTLER PERSON. SOMEONE ELSES HAPPINESS OR NEEDS/WANTS MATTER MORE THAN YOURS. WHETHER YOU LOVED AND GOT OR LOVED AND LOST, THE EXPERIENCE ITSELF WILL ALWAYS LEAVE YOU FEELING ENRICHED AND MORE COMPLETE. GIVE INTO LOVE TIME AND TIME AGAIN AND YOU WOULD HAVE LIVED AND NOT MERELY EXISTED!

PEOPLE DO NOT TALK/BITCH/GOSSIP ABOUT YOU EVEN  ONE FOURTH AS MUCH AS YOU THINK THEY DO (THAT MAYBE DISAPPOINTING TO SOME OF YOU BUT THAT'S THE TRUTH HONEY!). SO QUIT WORRYING AND OBSESSING. NO ONE HAS THE TIME TO PONDER ABOUT YOUR LIFE. THEY ARE TOO BUSY PONDERING OVER THEIRS. SO RELAX,TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND SMILE THAT THOUSAND WATT SMILE! ITS ALL GOOD! THIS POINT PARTICULARLY IS FOR MY DEAR FRIEND MRS. M.V.

ACCEPT THE FACT THAT YOU CAN EITHER COOK OR YOU CANT. DON'T AGONISE AND GIVE LONG DRAWN OUT EXPLANATIONS ON WHY THE RAJMA DIDN'T GALO OR THE CHICKEN CURRY IS BLAND!! ITS EITHER IN YOUR BLOOD OR NOT! GREAT COOKS ARE BORN AND NOT MADE! COOKING IS A CREATIVE,INSTINCTIVE,PERSONAL PROCESS AND CANNOT BE MASTERED FROM A COOK BOOK. SO IN SHORT I MAY BE UNABLE TO COOK LIKE TARLA DALAL OR MY DEAR FRIEND SONAM BUT I SURE AS HELL CAN WRITE!!!

LIFE IS NOT AND NEVER WILL BE EASY. THERE WILL BE DEBACLES,FAILURES,DISAPPOINTMENTS AND ILL HEALTH. STOCK MARKETS WILL PLUNGE AND THEN BOUNCE BACK,PROPERTY PRICES WILL TANK AND THEN STABILISE. THINGS WILL NEVER JUST FALL INTO YOUR LAP. YOU HAVE TO STRUGGLE AND SWEAT TO GET WHAT YOU WANT, OR BE CONTENT WITH WHAT YOU HAVE. THERE ARE NO FREE LUNCHES OR COCKTAILS OR DINNERS!! READ THE FINE PRINT. THERE'S ALWAYS A CATCH!!!

YOU HAVE TO LEARN TO SAY  "I'M SORRY" NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOUR PRIDE/EGO TAKE A BASHING. SOMETIMES THAT'S THE ONLY WAY OUT. AND IT SHOWS THAT YOU VALUE HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS ABOVE YOUR PRIDE. THERES NOTHING WRONG IN ADMITTING A MISTAKE. IF YOU ARE NOT MAKING MISTAKES, YOU ARE NOT LIVING!! SO LIVE MY DEAR FRIENDS, MAKE MISTAKES AND LEARN AND GROW FROM THEM.

STOP POINTING FINGERS/MAKING SCAPEGOATS/BLAMING OTHERS FOR WHAT IS HAPPENING IN YOUR LIFE. THAT'S A DEAD END-IT WILL GET YOU NOWHERE. ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS AND FOR YOUR CHOICES. YOU MADE THOSE CHOICES-NOBODY FORCED THEM DOWN YOUR THROAT. BE THE LEADER OF YOUR OWN LIFE RATHER THAN ALWAYS PLAYING THE VICTIM. THE VICTIM IS POWERLESS BECAUSE HE HAS GIVEN HIS POWER TO SOMEONE ELSE TO EXERCISE OVER HIM. KEEP YOUR POWER IN YOUR OWN HAND.

YOU WILL ONLY GET AS MUCH AS YOU GIVE, EVENTUALLY. LIFE HAS A FUNNY WAY OF BALANCING THINGS OUT. PEOPLE WILL TREAT YOU THE WAY YOU ALLOW YOURSELF TO BE TREATED. ITS ALL ACTION AND REACTION. PLAIN PHYSICS! YOU TEACH PEOPLE HOW TO INTERACT WITH YOU. DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU WANT DONE TO YOURSELF.

HOWEVER BAD THINGS MAY SEEM,THEY CAN GET WORSE. MAKE A LIST OF THINGS THAT YOU ARE BLESSED WITH AND ARE GRATEFUL FOR. YOU WILL BE PLEASANTLY SURPRISED, IT WILL RUN INTO PAGES AND WILL BE MUCH LONGER THAT YOU EVER THOUGHT POSSIBLE.

THE TRUTH IS ALWAYS THE BEST OPTION IN THE LONG RUN. THE TRUTH MAY HURT SOMEONE FOR A SHORT TIME, BUT A LIE CAN DESTROY TRUST AND CAUSE IRREPARABLE DAMAGE ( LITTLE,WHITE LIES HOWEVER DON'T COUNT!).

WORRYING IS THE BIGGEST WASTE OF TIME.IT'S TOTALLY UNPRODUCTIVE AND GETS YOU NOWHERE. THE MORE YOU WORRY, THE BIGGER THE PROBLEM BECOMES! FACE THE WORRY,TACKLE IT,TAKE ACTION. THAT'S THE ONLY WAY OUT!

ACCEPT PEOPLE FOR WHAT AND WHO THEY ARE. HOWEVER NOBLE/GOOD YOUR INTENTIONS MAYBE,YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE OR FORCE THEM TO CHANGE THEMSELVES. YOU CAN LEAD A HORSE TO WATER BUT YOU CANT MAKE HIM DRINK! SO LEAVE THE BLOODY HORSE ALONE! WHEN HES THIRSTY HE WILL DRINK!

"ZINDAGI NA MILEGI DOBARA" OR EVEN CHEESIER "KAL HO NA HO". SEIZE THE MOMENT MY FRIEND. MAKE THIS DAY COUNT. WHO KNOWS ABOUT TOMORROW! THE EARTH MAY COME UNDER ALIEN INVASION AND WE ALL MAY CEASE TO EXIST. LIVE LIFE TO THE FULLEST EACH AND EVERY DAY.ENJOY IT TO THE HILT! EAT,DRINK,MAKE MERRY,MAKE LOVE,SMILE AND BE HAPPY. ITS A BEAUTIFUL LIFE AND YOU ARE BLESSED TO LIVE IT. FACE CHALLENGES WHEN YOU COME ACROSS THEM,REMOVE PEOPLE OR ACTIONS THAT DRAG YOU DOWN, DO WHAT YOU LOVE AND IF YOU DO THAT YOU WILL AUTOMATICALLY DO IT WELL.

YOU WILL NEVER BE COMPLETELY READY FOR WHAT YOU WANT TO DO. THE TRICK IS JUST TO START IT ANYWAY, AND TO DEVELOP THE DISCIPLINE TO WORK AT IT CONSISTENTLY. TAKING BABY STEPS IN THE DIRECTION YOU WANT TO GO MEANS THAT YOU WILL EVENTUALLY GET THERE. LIKE I WANT TO BE A WRITER AND BE PUBLISHED SOME DAY-WHENEVER-SO I HAVE STARTED BY WRITING THIS BLOG. I MAY OR MAY NOT OFFICIALLY BECOME A WRITER OR GET PUBLISHED BUT AT LEAST I WOULD HAVE GIVEN IT MY BEST SHOT AND I WILL NEVER LIVE WITH REGRET THAT I DIDN'T TRY!!

ACCEPT THAT CHANGE IS INEVITABLE! IT IS GOOD FOR US BECAUSE IT SHOWS US NEW AVENUES AND NEW OPPORTUNITIES. ITS THE ONLY THING IN LIFE THAT'S CERTAIN. INITIALLY ALL CHANGE IS MET WITH RESISTANCE  AND WE DON'T LIKE IT AND FIGHT IT. WE ALWAYS GRAVITATE TOWARDS WHAT IS FAMILIAR BECAUSE FAMILIARITY KEEPS US FEELING SAFE BUT IT ALSO BREEDS COMPLACENCE. WE START STAGNATING WITHOUT CHANGE SO EMBRACE CHANGE WHOLEHEARTEDLY.

DON'T BE AFRAID TO DREAM. DREAMS CREATE THE VISION THAT GOVERNS THE STORY OF OUR LIFE. OUR DREAMS CREATE OUR FUTURE. DREAM BIG BECAUSE LIFE IS SHORT. "IF YOU AIM FOR THE MOON YOU WILL AT LEAST REACH THE PENTHOUSE"-MY QUOTE!

TIME IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RESOURCE IN THE WORLD. IT IS THE ONLY NON-RENEWABLE RESOURCE IN YOUR LIFE. CHOOSE WISELY HOW YOU SPEND YOUR TIME AND WITH WHOM YOU SPEND IT BECAUSE MONEY LOST CAN STILL BE EARNED BACK BUT TIME LOST IS TIME GONE FOREVER.

WHEN YOU WANT SOMETHING AND YOU ASK FOR IT, YOU WILL MORE LIKELY GET IT. DON'T BE AFRAID TO ASK. WOULD LIKE TO QUOTE THE TATA SKY TAG LINE HERE "POOCH NE MEIN KYA JAATA HAI". WORSE CASE SCENARIO YOU WILL HEAR A "NO", SO WHAT? NO ONES GOING TO HANG YOU BY THE NECK FOR ASKING!!!

LAST BUT DEFINITELY NOT THE LEAST, LEARN TO SAY NO. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO DO SOMETHING-GO TO A PARTY,ACCEPT AN OBLIGATION,MEET SOMEONE-JUST SAY, "NO, THANK YOU". YOU DON'T OWE ANYONE AN EXCUSE OR EXPLANATION. MRS.B, ARE YOU LISTENING?











Monday, 17 October 2011

MY MOMMY AND BUTTER,PEPPER, GARLIC CRAB!!!!

WELL I HAVE TO BE HONEST HERE, EVEN IF IT GETS ME INTO MAJOR TROUBLE!! MY MOM'S NOT BEEN VERY FAITHFUL AND LOYAL TO MY DAD. SECRETLY SHE HAS BEEN LUSTING,CRAVING,AGONISING!!! SHE HAS BEEN PASSIONATELY IN LOVE AND HAVING A TORRID LOVE AFFAIR WITH -YOU GUESSED IT-BUTTER,PEPPER,GARLIC CRAB SINCE THE LAST COUPLE OF DECADES!!! AND SIZE DEFINITELY MATTERS HERE-THE BIGGER THE BETTER, THE BIGGER THE JUICIER,THE BIGGER THE MORE BUTTER USED!! HOPE YOU GET THE DRIFT!! NOW THE PROBLEM BEING THAT OBVIOUSLY IN HER GREED SHE ORDERS FROM THE MENU THE MOST OBSCENE LOOKING ONE  BUT THE SIZE OF HER STOMACH DOESN'T MAGICALLY EXPAND TO ACCOMMODATE THE LUST-WORTHY,SACRED CRAB.IT REMAINS EXACTLY THE SAME!! THOUGH SECRETLY MY DEAREST MOMMY DOES WISH THAT SHE COULD GET A MAGIC WAND AND JUST SWISH IT AROUND AND EXPAND THE SIZE OF HER TREMBLING (SEEING THE CRAB) BELLY TO ACCOMMODATE ITS GARGANTUAN PROPORTIONS!!!  REALISTICALLY EVEN IF SHE GETS THE LEFTOVERS " PARCELED ", HOW MANY BREAKFASTS,LUNCHES AND DINNERS CAN SHE EAT IT FOR ALONE!!

SO THEN WE-HER BELOVED FAMILY COME INTO THE PICTURE -TO HELP HER IN HER HOUR OF NEED-TO BE HER CRUTCH AND VOICE OF REASON IN TIMES OF SUPREME TEMPTATION- IN SHORT TO HELP HER PARTAKE THE HEAVENLY CRAB AND SHARE HER ECSTASY AND JOY!!! AND THEREIN LIES THE PROBLEM MY DEAR FRIENDS!!

LET ME ELABORATE POINT BY POINT OR RATHER PERSON BY PERSON!! I THE PLEASANTLY (AND DON'T YOU DARE SUGGEST OTHERWISE!) SHEEBU HAVE BEEN TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT SINCE TIME IMMEMORIAL!!! I HAVE BEEN PERPETUALLY ON A DIET (WITHOUT ANY RESULTS WHATSOEVER LET ME ASSURE YOU!) RIGHT FROM MY TEEN YEARS!CAKES,PASTRIES,PAKORAS,SAMOSAS,CHOWMEIN,BIRYANI HAVE BEEN MY WORST ENEMIES!! EVEN IF I THINK OF INGESTING THEM I PUT ON FIVE POUNDS AND ALL AT THE WRONG PLACES I MUST ADD! JUST THE SMELL OF THE AFORE MENTIONED ITEMS GETS MY HEART RACING AND PULSE POUNDING!! I GET ANXIETY ATTACKS AND USUALLY HAVE TO FLEE THE SCENE BEFORE I COMMIT AN ATROCITY ON MYSELF AND MY SPANDEX JEANS!!SO IN LIGHT OF THE ABOVE I USUALLY TRY TO AVOID  DEEP-FRIED, FIVE THOUSAND CALORIES A PIECE, SWIMMING IN BUTTER ANYTHING!! IN FACT THAT'S MY WORST NIGHTMARE!! BEING TRAPPED IN BUTTERY HELL FROM WHICH THERE'S NO ESCAPE!!!!I ACTUALLY HAVE HUGE MOUNDS OF BUTTER INSCRIBED WITH "EAT ME, EAT ME" CHASING ME IN MY DREAMS THROUGH THE GATES OF HELL OR HEAVEN DEPENDING ON YOUR PERSPECTIVE!!

ANYWAY IT SEEMS MY NIGHTMARE JUST CAME TRUE!! BECAUSE IN FRONT OF ME LIES THIS HUGE,STEAMING CAULDRON FILLED WITH THE MOST DELECTABLE,GARLICKY,PEPPERY,BUTTERY,HEAVENLY AND SINFUL CRAB EVER CREATED BY THE LORD ALMIGHTY OR BY THE CHEF OF THE RESTAURANT WE ARE CURRENTLY SEATED IN!!! PLEASE DON'T GET CONFUSED, ITS NOT THAT I DON'T FIND THE CRAB DROOL- WORTHY AND ABSOLUTELY IRRESISTIBLE ,ITS JUST THAT THE GUILT AFTERWARDS IS TOO MUCH!! THE RAMIFICATIONS OF THE "AFTER SCENARIO" REALLY BOG ME DOWN!! IT'S ACTUALLY LIKE I HAVE COMMITTED A GRAVE,UNPARDONABLE SIN-ACTUALLY AKIN TO A ONE-NIGHT STAND (WHICH FOR YOUR KIND INFORMATION-YOU NAUGHTY PEOPLE I HAVE NEVER INDULGED IN!!!!). BUT THEN SEEING MY MOMMY'S EXPECTANT EYES AND DROOL FILLED SMILE MY FROZEN WITH FEAR HEART JUST MELTS AND I PROCEED TO ATTACK THE CRAB WITH AS MUCH GUSTO AS I CAN MUSTER IN MY FEEBLE,WEAKENED WITH GUILT STATE!!!

NOW LETS TURN TO MR. C, THE OTHER MAJOR PLAYER IN THIS WHOLE FAMILY LINE-UP!! MR.C COMES FROM A LONG,ILLUSTRIOUS LINE OF ANCESTORS ALL WITH VERY HIGH CHOLESTEROL AND WEAK HEARTS!!IN FACT I MEAN THIS SERIOUSLY-NO KIDDING AROUND HERE-HIS DAD,GRAND-DAD,UNCLE-ALL PASSED AWAY MUCH BEFORE THEIR TIME BECAUSE THEY DIDN'T TAKE CARE OF THEIR HEARTS (LITERALLY!). SO NOW I AM EXTRA CONSCIOUS AND CONSCIENTIOUS TO ENSURE MY DARLING HUSBANDS LONGEVITY AND NAG THE CRAP OUT OF HIM TO EAT HEALTHY AND LIVE HEALTHY!!

 "I CANNOT BRING UP THE BRATS ALONE" I WAIL, " I NEED ALL THE HELP I CAN GET" AND THAT AUTOMATICALLY TRANSLATES INTO-NO GUILTY PLEASURES AT LEAST OF THE FOOD KIND!! DAL,ROTI,SABZI AND SOMETIMES LEAN PIECES OF CHICKEN I BELLOW AND SOMETIMES IMPLORE!!

 WELL MY EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL SOMETIMES WORKS AND MOST OF THE TIMES DOESN'T!!! AND WITH THE STEAMING,FRAGRANT CRAB IN FRONT OF US ALL OF MR.C'S STRONG RESOLVES JUST MELT AWAY LIKE THE BUTTER IN THE CRAB AND HE RUB'S HIS HANDS IN GLEE,TIES THE BIB (YES THEY ACTUALLY GIVE YOU A BABY'S BIB TO EAT THIS DARNED THING!!) AROUND HIS NECK AND LITERALLY DIVES INTO THE BUTTER AND GARLIC AND PEPPER-YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!!

 THE SIGHT IS VERY SIMILAR TO A PROFESSIONAL SWIMMER DIVING GRACEFULLY INTO THE WATER ( IN THIS CASE BUTTER) TO COMPLETE A LAP (OR AGAIN IN THIS CASE), TO COMPLETE ENDLESS LAPS AND TO COME OUT GLEEFUL,TRIUMPHANT AND ABSOLUTELY SATIATED!!! THE ONLY THING LACKING FROM THE PICTURE IS A GOLD MEDAL AROUND HIS NECK DECLARING HIM AS THE "FASTEST CRAB DEVOURER EVER BORN"!! PRAISE THE LORD!! A NEW WORLD RECORD HAS BEEN ESTABLISHED! HAIL MARY! OR RATHER IN THIS CASE 'HAIL SWAGATH!". "SWAGATH" BEING THE NAME OF THE RESTAURANT WHERE THIS SCRUMPTIOUS DELICACY IS SERVED! IN FACT THERE SHOULD BE A WARNING BOARD OUTSIDE THE SAID RESTAURANT WITH A SKULL AND TWO CROSSED BONES  BOLDLY DECLARING "ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK!PERIL! DANGER!ABODE OF THE TEN THOUSAND CALORIE CRAB! YOU CAN CHECK OUT ANYTIME YOU LIKE BUT YOU CAN NEVER LEAVE". THE LAST LINE IS FROM THE SONG "HOTEL CALIFORNIA" BY THE 'EAGLES". THE SONG TALKS ABOUT THE DEPENDENCY AND FUTILITY OF DOING DRUGS-WELL THE BUTTER,PEPPER,GARLIC CRAB IS AKIN TO DOING A DRUG,IT IMMEDIATELY TRANSPORTS YOU INTO HEAVEN-THE HELL COMES LATER AS EXPLAINED ABOVE- AND IT IS ADDICTIVE,VERY ADDICTIVE AND THE MORE YOU HAVE OF IT THE MORE YOU NEED  AND WANT AND CRAVE AND DESIRE AND THEREFORE THE NECESSITY OF THE GODDAMN SIGN AND WARNING!!! SIGH! EXHAUSTED NOW WITH ALL THE RAVING AND RANTING!

SO NOW DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY DILEMMA FOLKS!! COULD APPRISE YOU ABOUT THE OTHER PROBLEMS FACING THE OTHER FOLK IN MY FAMILY AS WELL BUT THEN THAT WOULD RUN INTO REAMS AND DON'T WANT TO SOUND REPETITIVE!! LET ME END BY WONDERING THAT  WHY IS IT THAT EVERYTHING DELICIOUS OR PLEASURABLE OR CRAVABLE OR LUST-WORTHY IN LIFE CONSIDERED SINFUL??!! IS IT THE ALMIGHTY'S WAY OF TESTING US AND OUR WEAK RESOLVES?!! WELL NOT FAIR! I THINK IN THE CASE OF BUTTER,PEPPER, GARLIC CRAB HE SHOULD MAKE AN EXCEPTION AND MAKE IT THE HEALTHIEST/LEAST CALORIFIC FOOD ON PLANET EARTH!! AAH!! WISHFUL THINKING! BUT WHAT THE HELL! WE CAN ALWAYS DREAM!!! CAN'T WE??!!

Sunday, 16 October 2011

"SWITTY SWITTY SWITTY TERA PYAAR CHAHIDA!"

LOVE THE ABOVE LINES FROM A SONG IN "DELHI BELLY". IN FACT LOVE THE MOVIE. MUST HAVE WATCHED IT FIVE-SIX TIMES ALREADY. APART FROM THE BEEP-BEEP LANGUAGE AND THE OVERT TOILET/POTTY HUMOUR, ONE OF THE BEST MOVIES THIS YEAR. THOUGHT VIJAY RAAZ-THE VILLAIN-WAS BRILLIANT WITH HIS UNDERSTATED AND SUBDUED MENACE!! SUCH A FAR CRY FROM THE REGULAR GUN-BRANDISHING, POMPOUS, EGOISTIC VILLIANS OF THE REGULAR HINDI MOVIES! LOVED THE JOURNALIST BABE-SORRY HAVE FORGOTTEN HER NAME-THE ONE WHO IMRAN KHAN EVENTUALLY HOOKS UP WITH! SHE WASN'T STUNNING LOOKING OR ANYTHING BUT SOMETHING ABOUT HER WAS STILL SO APPEALING AND ATTRACTIVE.SHE WAS JUST SO COOL,CHILLED,BINDAAS,CONFIDENT AND SHE HAD AN INTELLIGENT AIR ABOUT HER. I ADMIRE PEOPLE WHO LOOK COMFORTABLE IN THEIR OWN SKIN AND SHE DID!!!

SHERNAZ TREASURYWALA DID A GOOD JOB TOO WITH HER BIMBETTE ACT AND VACUOUS LOOK!! SHE WAS PRICELESS WITH THE BROWN PAPER BAG ON HER HEAD,YELPING LIKE A LITTLE,LOST PUPPY WITH HER BOSOM HEAVING DRAMATICALLY!! LOVED THE FAT GUY TOO WITH THE STOMACH UPSET WHO WAS CONSTANTLY FARTING AND CRAPPING! EVEN THE CURLY HAIRED AD GUY WAS BRILLIANT--SORRY! REALLY BAD WITH NAMES! IMRAN KHAN FINALLY PROVED HIMSELF AND DID HIS UNCLE, THE REDOUBTABLE AAMIR KHAN PROUD!! ALL IN ALL A REALLY MAST MOVIE!!!

SORRY I ALWAYS GET SIDE TRACKED!! I KNOW YOU PEOPLE ARE NOT REALLY INTERESTED IN A FILM CRITIQUE! NIKHAT KAZMI DOES AN ADMIRABLE JOB!!NOW THAT BRINGS US BACK TO THE ISSUE OR THE SWITTY AT HAND WHOSE PYAAR I OR YOU CHAHIDA (WANT)! SORRY MY PUNJABI IS ABYSMAL BUT AS LONG AS YOU GET THE DRIFT I GUESS IT'S FINE!! 

LET ME ASK YOU-MY FRIENDS-THAT WHY IS IT THAT THE SWITTIES(HE/SHE),THE MOMENT THEY REALISE THAT WE ARE SWITT ON THEM,START ACTING PRICEY??? IS IT NORMAL HUMAN TENDENCY?IS IT MAPPED IN OUR GENETIC/BEHAVIOURAL CODE?IS IT OUR  OUR BASIC NATURE AS HUMAN-BEINGS,THAT THE MOMENT WE GET SOMETHING THAT WE ARE ASPIRING FOR,WE LOSE ALL VALUE FOR IT AND IT BECOMES ROUTINE,HO-HUM/BORING AND WE START TAKING IT FOR GRANTED??!!


THAT ALL THAT REALLY MATTERS IN THE END IS THE CHASE,THE CHALLENGE? AS LONG AS YOU KEEP THEM DANGLING,HOPING,GUESSING AND PANTING, THE SWITTIES ARE INTO YOU! THE MOMENT YOU START RECIPROCATING/RESPONDING AND START BATTING YOUR EYELIDS BACK AT THEM, THE BRAIN-DEAD SWITTIES LOSE INTEREST AND START ASPIRING FOR SOME OTHER BRAIN-DEAD SWITTY!!! DUH!!! WHAT IS THIS? IT'S DISGUSTING,DISAPPOINTING,DISORIENTING,CONFUSING AND SOMETIMES DOWN RIGHT HEART BREAKING!! AND GIVING RISE TO A  VERY DANGEROUS TREND OF THE MOST DANGEROUS OF GAMES KNOWN AS THE MIND GAMES!!! NOW MIND GAMES ARE A DIFFERENT BALL GAME ALTOGETHER AND AS CONFOUNDING AND SOMETIMES AS INTERESTING AS CHESS!


LET ME ELABORATE HERE!! FIRSTLY IF YOU WANT TO INDULGE IN MIND GAMES YOU HAVE TO COMMIT TO IT-IN TERMS OF TIME-LOTS OF TIME-BECAUSE TO WEAR SOMEONE DOWN TO YOUR POINT OF VIEW TAKES TIME!! IT TAKES TIME FOR THE DUMB SWITTY TO ACTUALLY REALISE AS TO HOW GREAT AND AMAZING YOU ARE FOR THEM!THERE CAN BE NOTHING HURRIED OR RUSHED ABOUT IT! YOU HAVE TO PLAY IT COOL, VERY COOL, BE ALMOST DISINTERESTED IN THE SWITTY!!! GIVE HIM/HER DISINTERESTED, HAUGHTY VIBES,PLAY HARD TO GET, ALWAYS SEEM BUSY WITH SOME OTHER ENGAGEMENT!! IN SHORT DON'T SHOW ANY INTEREST OR ATTACHMENT!!! SOUNDS REALLY CONTRADICTORY, DOESN'T IT? WHEN ALL THAT YOU REALLY WANT TO DO IS RUSH INTO THE SWITTYS ARMS AND SLOBBER HIM/HER WITH KISSES AND PROCLAIM UNDYING LOVE AND AFFECTION!!! BUT BABY BELIEVE ME THAT THE FORMER WORKS BETTER THAN THE LATTER!! SAD BUT TRUE!!

 
IT'S ALL A QUESTION OF SUPPLY AND DEMAND! IT'S PLAIN ECONOMICS!! WHEN SUPPLY IS LESS THE DEMAND GOES UP AND THE COMMODITY (SORRY! I KNOW AN AWFUL WORD!) BECOMES MORE VALUABLE AND THEREFORE CONVERSELY WHEN SUPPLY IS MORE THE DEMAND GOES DOWN AND THE COMMODITY DEPRECIATES IN VALUE!!! IT'S ELEMENTARY MY DEAR WATSON!!


SO MORAL OF THE STORY PLAY HARD TO GET!!! GIVE SNOOTY, TOO BUSY VIBES, DON'T BE AVAILABLE PANTING ON THE PHONE ALL THE TIME ACTING LIKE AN EAGER BEAVER, HAVE A LIFE OF YOUR OWN, HAVE IMPRESSIVE SOUNDING HOBBIES-FOR INSTANCE-OH!I AM INTO WILD LIFE PHOTOGRAPHY OR I AM SAVING THE POLAR BEARS OR I AM MOON LIGHTING AS A WALL STREET JOURNALIST OR SOMETHING AS IMPOSSIBLE/IMPRESSIVE SOUNDING AS THAT!

 
ABOVE ALL VALUE AND CHERISH YOUR FRIENDS.THE FRIENDS WHO HAVE BEEN AROUND FOREVER, WHO HAVE SHARED THE GOOD AND THE NOT SO GOOD TIMES WITH YOU.YOUR FRIENDS ARE THE ONES WHO HAVE STUCK WITH YOU THROUGH YOUR P.M.S, UN-CALLED FOR TANTRUMS,OSCILLATING MOOD SWINGS(ASSUMING YOU ARE A WOMAN) AND THROUGH YOUR RECKLESS TESTOSTERONE FUELED MAD ANTICS (IF YOU ARE A MAN). THE LATTER FRANKLY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE!KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE TO YOUR HEART. THEY WILL BE THE ONES CELEBRATING YOUR LOVE STORY AND POPPING OPEN BOTTLES OF CHAMPAGNE, IF IT WORKS OUT WITH THE SWITTY AND IF YOU LEARN THE ABOVE LESSONS WELL OR WIPING YOUR TEARS AND GIVING YOU A CUSHION AND ICE PACK TO SIT ON IF YOU GET A RESOUNDING KICK IN YOUR BUTT BY YOUR SWITTY AND YOUR BUTT IS SORE!!!

 
BUT REMEMBER EVERY STRATEGY HAS ITS DOWNSIDES AS WELL. SO DON'T OVER DO IT! TOO MUCH OF ANYTHING IS BAD-I HAVE LEARNT THAT FROM COLD,HARD EXPERIENCE SO BACK DOWN AND SOFTEN WHEN YOU SEE THE POOR,DAZED SWITTY WILTING AND GIVING UP HOPE! AND THEN JUST EMBRACE THEM (LITERALLY AS WELL AS FIGURATIVELY!) AND MAKE THEM FEEL SO SPECIAL THAT THEY NEVER WANT TO LET YOU OR THAT FEELING GO! YOU CAN ONLY MAKE SOMEONE LOVE YOU WHEN YOU LOVE YOURSELF FIRST!! GOLDEN WORDS TO LIVE BY AND ADHERE TO MY DEAR FRIENDS!! WISHING YOU ALL THE LUCK IN YOUR QUEST FOR THE ELUSIVE SWITTY!! JAI HIND!






Saturday, 15 October 2011

"IS THE GLASS HALF FULL OR HALF EMPTY???!!"

WELL TO THE ABOVE QUESTION I WILL JUST RETORT "TIME TIME KI BAAT HAI JAANI. TIME TIME KI BAAT". THERE HAVE BEEN GOOD TIMES -DEFINITELY AND SOME NOT SO GOOD TIMES!! BUT I GUESS THAT'S PRETTY NORMAL,ISN'T IT? BUT FOR SOME MORBID REASON WE JUST FIXATE ON THE NOT SO GOOD TIMES AND JUST SKIM AND GLOSS OVER WHAT IS OR WAS GOOD! THAT'S ACTUALLY NOT FAIR AND GOES AGAINST THE BASIC UNIVERSAL LAW KNOWN AS THE  "LAW OF ATTRACTION" AS POPULARISED  BY RHONDA BYRNE WHO WROTE THE BOOK "SECRET". ITS MY ALL TIME FAVOURITE BOOK AND I WILL QUOTE EXTENSIVELY FROM IT. I HAVE WARNED YOU FOLKS!! LATER DO NOT WANT TO BE ACCUSED OF PLAGIARISM!!!

 WELL THE LAW OF ATTRACTION STATES THAT EVERYTHING THAT'S COMING INTO YOUR LIFE YOU ARE ATTRACTING INTO YOUR LIFE. AND ITS ATTRACTED TO YOU BY VIRTUE OF THE IMAGES YOU'RE HOLDING IN YOUR MIND. IT'S WHAT YOU ARE THINKING. SO IF YOU THINK POSITIVE THOUGHTS YOU ATTRACT MORE LIKE POSITIVE THOUGHTS AND IF YOU CARRY ON LIKE A STUCK RECORD, THINKING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS,MORE AND MORE NEGATIVITY WILL PILE ON TILL IT BECOMES AN INSURMOUNTABLE MESS!!! THE LAW BEGAN AT THE BEGINNING OF TIME. IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN AND WILL ALWAYS BE.THE GREATEST MEN ON EARTH WHO EVER LIVED HAVE PRACTISED IT AND FOLLOWED IT. POETS SUCH AS WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE,ROBERT BROWNING (MY FAVORITE) AND WILLIAM BLAKE DELIVERED IT IN THEIR POETRY. BEETHOVEN EXPRESSED IT THROUGH HIS MUSIC.LEONARDO DA VINCI DEPICTED IT HIS PAINTINGS.

 IT IS AS INDISPUTABLE AS THE LAW OF GRAVITY AND IS COMPLETELY IMPERSONAL!! IT DOESN'T DISTINGUISH BETWEEN GOOD OR BAD THOUGHTS!! IT JUST GIVES YOU WHAT YOU ARE MOST THINKING AND FIXATED ABOUT!! WHATEVER IS GOING ON IN YOUR MIND YOU ARE ATTRACTING TO YOU. EVERY THOUGHT OF YOURS IS A REAL THING-A FORCE AND IT EMITS OUT A FREQUENCY. YOU ARE A HUMAN TRANSMISSION TOWER AND THE MOST POWERFUL ONE AT THAT!! YOU MUST REALISE THAT A THOUGHT HAS A FREQUENCY. WE CAN MEASURE A THOUGHT. QUANTUM PHYSICS HAS PROVED IT. YOUR MIND THINKS THOUGHTS AND THE PICTURES ARE BROADCAST BACK AS YOUR LIFE EXPERIENCE. AND SO IF YOU ARE THINKING THAT THOUGHT OVER AND OVER AGAIN,IF YOU ARE IMAGINING IN YOUR MIND WHAT YOU REALLY WANT OR NEED OR REQUIRE AND IMAGINING WHAT THAT LOOKS LIKE, YOU ARE EMITTING THAT FREQUENCY ON A CONSISTENT BASIS!!AS YOU THINK,THOSE THOUGHTS ARE SENT OUT INTO THE UNIVERSE,AND THEY MAGNETICALLY ATTRACT ALL LIKE THINGS THAT ARE ON THE SAME FREQUENCY. EVERYTHING SENT OUT RETURNS TO THE SOURCE. AND THAT SOURCE ,MY DEAR FRIEND IS YOU!!!

WHEN YOU FOCUS ON SOMETHING NO MATTER WHAT IT HAPPENS TO BE, YOU REALLY ARE CALLING THAT INTO EXISTENCE AND REMEMBER LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE--ALWAYS!!! YOU ARE THE MOST POWERFUL MAGNET IN THE UNIVERSE! YOU BECOME WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THE MOST BUT YOU ALSO ATTRACT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT THE MOST!! YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW IS A REFLECTION OF YOUR PAST THOUGHTS. THAT INCLUDES ALL THE GREAT THINGS, AND ALL THE THINGS THAT YOU CONSIDER NOT SO GREAT!

ITS LIKE HOLDING A MIRROR TO YOUR FACE. WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET! SO IF YOU SEE A HAPPY,SMILING FACE THE WHOLE UNIVERSE CONSPIRES TO MAKE YOU HAPPY AND MAKE YOU SMILE BUT IF YOU SEE YOURSELF WITH WORRY LINES ,WRINKLES ,SAD AND DEFEATED THEN NO AMOUNT OF EXPENSIVE FACIAL CREAMS AND BUDGET BUSTING FACIALS WILL HELP!!! YOU WILL REMAIN WORRIED , ANXIOUS AND YOUR CIRCUMSTANCES WILL DEFEAT YOU!!

ACCORDING TO BOB PROCTOR (ANOTHER PERSON WHO I WILL BE WIDELY QUOTING) " IF YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND THE LAW THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD REJECT IT. YOU MAY NOT UNDERSTAND ELECTRICITY,AND YET YOU ENJOY THE BENEFITS OF IT. I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WORKS. BUT I DO KNOW THIS; YOU CAN COOK A MAN'S DINNER WITH ELECTRICITY,AND YOU CAN ALSO COOK THE MAN!". ALSO SOMETIMES WHEN PEOPLE UNDERSTAND THIS LAW AND BEGIN TO PRACTISE IT, THEY BECOME FRIGHTENED AND ANXIOUS OF ALL THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS THAT THEY HAVE. THEY NEED TO BE AWARE THAT SCIENTIFICALLY IT HAS BEEN PROVEN THAT A POSITIVE THOUGHT IS HUNDRED TIMES MORE POWERFUL THAN A NEGATIVE THOUGHT. THAT SHOULD PUT YOU AT EASE RIGHT AWAY. ALSO THAT THERES A TIME DELAY,THAT ALL OF YOUR THOUGHTS DON'T COME TRUE INSTANTLY.THE ELEMENT OF TIME DELAY SERVES YOU. IT ALLOWS YOU TO REEVALUATE AND REASSESS YOUR CHOICES,TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND IF NECESSARY MAKE A FRESH CHOICE.

ACCORDING TO DR. JOE VITALE "YOU ARE THE MICHELANGELO OF YOUR OWN LIFE. THE DAVID YOU ARE SCULPTING IS YOU". ONE WAY TO KNOW WHAT YOU REALLY WANT AND TO CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS/MASTER YOUR MIND IS TO LEARN TO QUIET YOUR MIND. THE ONLY WAY THAT YOU CAN QUIET YOUR MIND IS THROUGH MEDITATION. MEDITATION QUIETS YOUR MIND,HELPS YOU CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS AND REVITALIZES YOUR BODY AND SPIRIT. AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO SIT AND MEDITATE FOR HOURS ON END LIKE THE RISHIS AND MUNNIS OF YORE!! JUST FIVE TO TEN MINUTES A DAY, CAN BE SO EFFECTIVE FOR GAINING CONTROL OVER YOUR THOUGHTS!! "I AM THE MASTER OF MY THOUGHTS" SAY IT AS OFTEN AS YOU CAN,MEDITATE ON IT,CHANT IT AND BY THE LAW OF ATTRACTION YOU MUST BECOME THAT. TRY THE PRANAYAM YOGA METHOD FOR MEDITATION. IT REALLY WORKS.

EMOTIONS ARE THE GREATEST GIFT THAT WE HUMAN BEINGS HAVE!!THEY ARE WHAT DISTINGUISH US FROM THE OTHER LIVING BEINGS ON THIS PLANET AND MAKE US THE SUPERIOR RACE! EMOTIONS LET US KNOW HOW WE ARE FEELING-WHETHER GOOD OR BAD! GOOD FEELINGS MAKE US FEEL GOOD. WE FEEL EXCITEMENT,JOY,GRATITUDE,LOVE. WHEN WE CELEBRATE THE GOOD FEELINGS,WE DRAW TO US MORE GOOD FEELINGS .WHEN WE CONCENTRATE ON NEGATIVE EMOTIONS OF DEPRESSION,ANGER,RESENTMENT,GUILT WE FEEL BAD AND THE MORE WE FOCUS ON IT THE WORSE IT GETS!! YOU ARE ON THE FREQUENCY OF DRAWING MORE BAD THINGS. THE LAW OF ATTRACTION MUST RESPOND BY BROADCASTING BACK TO YOU MORE PICTURES OF BAD THINGS AND THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL BAD!!!

THE MORAL OF THE STORY BEING FOCUS ON THE GOOD AND ELIMINATE THE BAD!!! ANOTHER PRINCIPLE THAT I FEEL THAT WE ALL MUST FOLLOW AND WHICH THE BHAGAVAD -GITA ESPOUSES IS THE VIRTUE OF FORGIVENESS!FORGIVING DOESN'T MAKE THE PERSON WHO HURT YOU FEEL BETTER,IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER. WHEN YOU FORGIVE SOMEONE YOU LET GO OF ALL THE NEGATIVE EMOTIONS OF ANGER,PAIN,LOSS,HURT,BETRAYAL WHICH HAVE BEEN WEIGHING YOU DOWN AND SUDDENLY ITS AS IF HEAVY BAGS HAVE BEEN LIFTED FROM YOUR HEAD AND YOU FEEL LIGHTER. PARDON THE HURT OTHERS HAVE CAUSED YOU. WHAT THEY DID IS PAST. WHAT IS BOTHERING YOU TODAY ARE YOUR CURRENT FEELINGS THAT COMES FROM THIS LOAD. LET IT GO. ANOTHER MANTRA THAT I LIVE BY IS TO SURRENDER COMPLETELY TO GOD! HAVE FAITH IN HIS ALMIGHTY WISDOM! HES A BENIGN GOD AND WE ARE HIS CHILDREN. HE GAVE US LIFE AND THIS WONDERFUL UNIVERSE TO LIVE IN ! HE KNOWS BEST! WHATEVER HE DOES ,WHATEVER EXPERIENCE HE THROWS IN OUR PATH, IT IS FOR SOME LARGER,GREATER GOOD! HE HAS ALL OUR LIFE'S PATH CHALKED OUT AND WE CANNOT FIGHT WHAT IS IN OUR FATE OR DESTINY OR WHAT HE HAS ENVISAGED FOR US!!! ONCE YOU ACCEPT THIS FACT, YOU WILL NEVER BE TROUBLED OR ANXIOUS AGAIN!

 ALSO REMEMBER ALWAYS THAT U REAP WHAT YOU SOW!!
 'YOU ARE YOUR DEEP AND CONSTANT DESIRE,AS IS YOUR DESIRE,SO IS YOUR WILL,AS YOUR WILL,SO IS YOUR EFFORT AND AS YOUR EFFORT,SO IS YOUR DESTINY'- HINDU UPANISHADS. "YOU ARE WHAT YOU HAVE BEEN;YOU SHALL BE WHAT YOU DO NOW." "WHAT WE ARE IS THE RESULT OF OUR THOUGHTS; IT IS BASED IN OUR THOUGHTS AND IS MADE OF OUR THOUGHTS."-BUDDHA. " NOBODY CAN TEACH YOU MORE THAN WHAT IS ALREADY DORMANT WITHIN THE LIGHT OF YOUR OWN KNOWLEDGE'- KHALIL GIBRAN. "ALTHOUGH THERE ARE MANY PATHS FOR SEARCHING,THE SEARCH ITSELF IS ALWAYS THE SAME"- JALAL-UD-DIN MUHAMMAD RUMI. "DO NOT ATTACH YOURSELF TO THE FANTASY THAT NOTHING CAN BE CHANGED"-MIKAO USUI.

THERE WAS NEVER A NIGHT THAT COULD DEFEAT SUNRISE AND THERE CAN NEVER BE A PROBLEM THAT CAN DEFEAT HOPE!! LOVE THESE LINES. OUT OF THE GREATEST DESPAIR SOMETIMES COMES THE GREATEST GIFT. ACCORDING TO BOB PROCTOR-"IF YOU SEE IT IN YOUR MIND,YOU ARE GOING TO HOLD IT IN YOUR HAND. SEE YOURSELF LIVING IN ABUNDANCE AND YOU WILL ATTRACT IT. IT WORKS EVERY TIME AND WITH EVERY PERSON". THOUGHTS BECOME THINGS AND ARE SENDING OUT THAT MAGNETIC SIGNAL THAT IS DRAWING THE PARALLEL BACK TO YOU. SO START DAY DREAMING ABOUT THAT NEW CAR OR THAT DIAMOND NECKLACE OR THE HUGE MANSION OR THAT ELUSIVE SOUL MATE WHO WILL MAKE YOU SWOON AND YOUR HEART SING!!  WHO KNOWS MAYBE SOMETIMES IN THE NOT SO DISTANT FUTURE THEY SUDDENLY MAGICALLY APPEAR IN YOUR LIFE!! SO FROM MY PERSPECTIVE THE GLASS IS DEFINITELY HALF FULL AND IS ON IT'S WAY TO BECOMING FULLER!!!