Follow by Email

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

THE "GUJJUS"

Good morning folks! Hope every one's alive and kicking and hale and hearty! Talking about hearty-that was one hearty meal we had last night!! In fact so hearty that its now giving me heartburn! Its "Navratri" time folks so that in simpler terms translates into abstinence time big time! So no booze and no the "non-vag"(non-veg for you ignoramuses!)Don't know about the other more interesting abstainable stuff so will check and get back to you-certainly don't want to be putting out wrong information on my maiden blogging attempts!


Went with a couple of friends yesterday to a restaurant named "Satvik" meaning pure food which obviously translates into vegetarian food! Anyways in spite of pulling a hundred sulky faces and muttering and mumbling my acute dissatisfaction (I'm a Peshawar Pathan-maiden name being Ali Khan- so consuming anything vaguely edible which is healthy and green is a travesty beyond compare! Like they say in my side of the family "hame vegetarian food se allergy hai aur hum khaakar bemaar padh jaate hain"!) i trundled along.



 Actually truth be told i had just finished my work-out in my very fancy gym and was ravenous! Could have gobbled up an entire elephant-had so many mice running and jumping and doing gymnastics in my stomach! So we sit down at this nice table and open our menu and suddenly everybody wants "Gujju" food! I let out another very audible groan and put on a very tragic,long suffering expression quite akin to Anarkali's in "Mughal-E-Azam" when she is being dragged away from her beloved Saleem by the brutish prison guards and thrown into the slammer!


My friends used to my dramatic sighs and tragedy queen antics just completely ignore me and proceed full steam ahead ordering in strict alphabetical order!It goes something like this said without taking a breath-Chakli,Chhundo,Dal dhokli,Gunda,Khaman,Khandavi,Sukavni and Undhiyo!!!! At Undhiyo ,my friend just had to pause for a breath and thankfully it signaled to the smiling, oily server that we we were done ordering finally and he gave a satisfied click of the tongue and an ingratiating smile and moved off! I was still gasping in utter amazement at these very strange and alien sounding names and tried in vain to explain to my rumbling tummy that "calm down friend- fear not! There may still be hope."


The steaming, fragrant food arrived and despite the awful names tasted divine and frankly i really enjoyed it! What do they say about "hunger being the best sauce"??!! That's actually not fair because it was delicious food and now i have firmly decided that i will "never knock something till i have tried it"! So that brought us to the end of another eventful evening and after having the necessary Saunf n Paan we parted ways to go home to make love to our respective strips of Digene tablets and Zentac syrup bottles!


Talking about the "gujjus" and please don't get me wrong-i have a lot of gujju friends and have great respect for their business acumen and "juggadu" spirit-i have to share a joke with you that i recently read.


It goes something like this-Gujju love letter-Mari deer Puspa...u r que tea, luv lee, sack sea,on nest, a tract thief, cheer fool, soup pub and u r my most press yes lower(flower)-from Taro(yours)Cumless(Kamlesh).
God! I died laughing! There were tears rolling down my ample cheeks and i got stitches in my stomach! In fact my beloved Romeo (my pet Labrador) actually got very worried and started whining and barking -i think to summon help- and started a mad licking frenzy in the hope to revive/normalise his slightly "khiskhoed" mistress! Had to pet and stroke him for half an hour afterwards to reassure him that all was well and that finally i hadn't taken leave of all my senses!


Listen enough of gujju bashing if you can actually call this that and back to Navratri. I'm really glad that the Nav Ratras are now almost over and life can get back to normal and my depraved and debauched friends (just kidding! don't shoot me!) can get back to their usual depraved and debauched ways!! Life is so much more fun and interesting that way. Candidly "Palak Paneer" and "Zeera Aloo" now coming out of my ears and i just want to sink my teeth into a nice,juicy Raan and have Tandoori chicken and guzzle down a glass of chilled Chardonnay (i know beer would be appropriate here but sorry I'm way too lady-like , refined and suave to be guzzling down bottles of beer!! ahem! ahem!).


Plus another plus-with the end of the Navratras the Diwali parties begin in right earnest in Delhi! Yipee! Yay! Yay! nothing like good old gambling to get me into high spirits! (Sorry Allahmia! Please forgive me! But i do try to be a good human being! Please just ignore the odd glass err! bottle of Chardonnay and the err! odd hand at Flash! Promise will atone and make amends after Diwali!).


Will let u poor folks go now with that teaser but will write again soon about how i have fared at "Flash". Wish me luck! Ciao! Mu ah! Mu ah!