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Friday, 7 March 2014

Khao,piyo aur phir maro....exercise karo!! Sigh! Groan!!

I was born into a family of beautiful women. Now please don't get me wrong, i am not being shamelessly immodest here.Let me explain-my maternal grandfather was a very handsome and charismatic man. He was also a 'Nawab' of some non descript hamlet somewhere in Uttar Pradesh and was a very sought after and learned man. 

 Now he married thrice ( and that's perfectly legal in our religion)  and real stunners each of them were and they in Toto sired him 15 bonnie babies over a span of a decade or so. Obviously one amongst them being my darling mum. And obviously my more than a dozen aunts and uncles had their own families and kids-the result being that now i have more than 30 cousins and most of them female and each and everyone of them prettier than the other!! And what names-i love their names-Yasmeen, Sophie,Sidra,Sadaf and the list goes on. And of course my real sisters-Farah and Sumera. Candidly, have forgotten some of the names of my cousins-the ones that i don't meet so often and who are settled all across the world. My poor forty plus memory needs some serious jogging and of course the Salman Khan endorsed 'revital'!

Now above is the situation from my maternal side. The story from my paternal side is equally long and i won't bore you with all the details. The gist being that my paternal grandfather was a true blue Peshawari Pathan and quite a strapping,good looking 6 foot 3 inches tall hunk with amazing grey,blue eyes!! Gosh! I sometimes wonder where those genes disappeared to??? I am sorrowfully 5 feet 3 inches and have dark brown eyes! Nothing tall and lean or exotic about me!! Sigh!
Anyway fortunately for this story folks, my paternal grandfather turned out to be a one woman man and therefore stuck to that poor woman for the rest of his life and how he stuck to her! Man!!My poor 'daadi' was never left in peace and was constantly with child through out most of her child bearing years!! Poor soul!! Can you imagine always pregnant and nauseous and huge?? To be truly flippant-she must have looked forward to menopause and hot flushes with glee!!! Some respite from just producing kid year after year!

 Anyway, the end result of all this amorous action being that my 'daadi' had 12 kids too and those 12 kids produced me at least 20 cousins and no, i don't remember their names nor do i wish too!! My dad's family was exceedingly mean to us when he passed away and i have no contact with them. I was just trying to explain the enviable gene pool that i have. But i do know for a fact that all of them are blessed with great skin and very sharp features which ahem! ahem! i seem to share!! Chalo, at least kuch toh achchey genes mujhey bhi miley! Height aur grey blue eyes nahin toh at least 'doodh malai' complexion!!! Hahaha!!! Wink!Wink!

Now to progress further and to get  to the main point in this story and to high light my particular plight....most of us cousins (from my maternal side) are extremely close and get together at least 2 -3 times a year during the holidays. So then it's non stop partying and socializing and merry making and even more eating!!! Oh! How much we eat and eat and eat!! We could put Sumo wrestlers to shame! So naturally, all this binge eating can't be too good for the waistline at least my god damned waistline! My qamar becomes a bloody qamra and a large qamra at that!

 I land up looking and feeling like a bloated balloon or a giant beach whale but curiously this phenomenon only happens with me!! Why oh why??? Allahmia!! Mujhi par itna zulm kyon?? Everyone else is looking as lean,trim and gorgeous as ever-no bloating,no expanding waist line,no puffy eyes...nothing! All of them are wearing slinky dresses and showing off their flat tummy's and tiny waists  whereas I am the only one grappling with those torturous,form fitting,utterly uncomfortable tummy tuckers and waist restraints and what have you to camouflage and disguise my ample love handles and wobbly belly!!!

Most bloody unfair! But i guess all in all, worth it for the amount of closeness,bonding and fun that we have during such times. I feel loved,blessed and grateful to God for having such a loving,supportive family who always rallies together in the good and especially not so good times. Amen!

Donning my god damned sneakers to go and kill myself on the treadmill...yet again!! Such is life! Khao,piyo aur phir maro... exercise karo!!Sigh!