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Tuesday, 15 November 2011

Botox time!!!!

Oh to the woes of the drama that is my life......time for an update on the madness surrounding me!! First and foremost, the event that is currently giving me major stress and sleepless nights--my upcoming happy birthday !!! Yes, i turn thirty eight on the blasted eighteenth!! Just two years away from the "potty forty" (i have coined that phrase by the way because that's what it really is)!!

Women the world over may pretend to rejoice on turning forty and may have the most fabulous bashes thrown for them by their spouses/partners but the real truth is that deep inside most of us are withering masses of jelly at this unfortunate turn of events -weeping and having mini-meltdowns at the thought of turning forty. It's a scary number and signifies the near end of a lot of things that you could take for granted earlier-like firm jawlines and perky boobs!! Most of us now have to contend with sagging bellies and droopy butts! By the way i believe that now even butt uplifting creams are widely available in the market! As if wrinkle vanishing creams were not enough now we have to contend with butt massage creams too!! So some of us ,may put on Oscar award winning performances of joyous abandon on turning forty (or thereabouts like me) but a performance it is and nothing more!! We may or may not do a good job of concealing our anxiety but anxious we are!!ANXIOUS in capital letters if you please!

Sob! Sigh! Alas!! Another precious year of my fast ebbing youth gone by!! Anti-wrinkle creams are passe now!! Have been using them for the past decade without any results what so ever!!Have a new wrinkle almost every week lately!The "I'm worth it" Loreal hair color has limited uses too!! Need a bloody touch up every three weeks!!My salon bills are sky high and Mr. C never fails to give me a sardonic grin and caustic comment when he reconciles my credit card statement every month!! In fact i am thinking of instructing Citibank just to send me a concise statement informing me about the total amount due instead of a painful detail by detail statement of every charge that i incur in the desperate hope of prolonging my almost lost allure!! It would actually save me a lot of embarrassment in front of hubby dearest!!

So every morning i wake up and rush to my dresser ,to examine my face carefully under six halogens looking for new lines and crows feet, with growing desperation and dread!My dresser counter is over loaded with almost every line busting cream available in the market some of them bloody obscenely expensive!! What is it about getting older that scares us so much? Is it just the fear of losing our youth/beauty/vitality/vibrancy/ strength/energy or is it about losing our place/influence in society,family because we are now too old /ineffectual and infirm to really make a difference or do the things that we did with such effortless ease earlier??!! Ponderable questions really! Another thing which really scares me is the dreaded menopause! I know still have quite a few years till i hit that landmark but even then!! I never thought that i would look forward to my monthly period but now that i have become fully aware of the after effects of not having them, i am quite happy to go with the flow literally.

Most of us in the age bracket of 35-45 years are trying to stop the incessant tick-tock of time so we are exercising more,eating better,drinking less,dressing better and actually looking better as a consequence. Isn't that a paradox? But i guess the flame always burns brightest when its about to be extinguished!!!! God! I am really getting morbid in my old age!!!No more rona-dhona talks!! Have to get busy with the happy birthday party planning!!

Mr.C who should actually be doing all the dirty work has been away the past ten days!!! He has been wining,dining and hopefully not sixty nining in London the past whole week!! He landed back on Desi shores on Sunday-slept throughout the day,got a three hour long massage in the evening, chatoed the wall-street journal and his plate of seekh rolls and then slept again!!! With the arrival of Monday morning, he packed his boriya-bistar again and flew off to the land of idlis and dosas--sorry! hopelessly cliched there!!

Anyway that leaves me- poor ole hyper,overly strung,totally stressed out me-to get the show on the road!! So spent two hours  on the phone yesterday with the caterer deciding the final menu .God! Pain in the butt catering to the palate of our dilliwalas! So did a nice hotch-potch of Indian,Chinese and Thai. Then spoke to the bartender-he gave me a mile loooong list of daaru that would be required. Almost fainted with shock! He wanted twenty five bottles of hard liquor-whisky being the most pre-dominant- for sixty people!Please note that the wine list and the beer list was separate and equally exhaustive!!How much do we drink? Do we all want to die of alcohol poisoning or cirrhosis of the liver in the near future or what?!! Anyways called my trusty bootlegger and procured the same.Then spoke to the d.j and told him about all the "chamak challo" and "character dheela" numbers that i wanted him to play!!

Now feeling more in control and on top of things! Have finally decided what i want as a birthday gift from hubby dearest! Will spend the next two days on his expense in the very expensive spa next door getting every line and wrinkle smoothened out and do a thorough read up on botox injections and face/boob/butt lifts for future birthday/anniversary gifts. Got to run now to fix up my appointments!! Toodles!!