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Tuesday, 4 March 2014

My doggy is gay!!!

I think my doggy is gay! And please let me clarify, before some of you claw my eyes out-i have nothing against gay people apart from the obvious impediments to procreation that their gayness presents. I am also not talking about the proverbial doggies in my life. Sigh! there are so many of them that i can actually label them- naughty doggy number 1, wicked doggy number 2,maddening doggy number 3 and so on and so forth!!

I am talking about Romeo-my real life, best doggy of all!! Even now, as i furiously type away on the key board he lies curled up at my feet like a giant ,soft ,cuddly hot water bottle-really lovely and comforting on this slightly nippy morning- giving me an occasional lick and lightly snoozing away emitting gentle snores !! Yes, he snores and farts!! But that's a different story altogether and not entirely pleasant.

Romeo is my golden Labrador with melting hazel brown eyes and the most silky,floppy ears ever. He is slightly pudgy,clumsy,insanely lazy, impossibly greedy and alarmingly wobbly-very much like his mistress which is me, but he's totally and completely adorable-again like his mistress! Ahem! I know modesty is not one of my strong points but then i have so many other strengths that it wouldn't be fair if i was modest too. After all one has to leave some noble virtues for other lesser mortals to imbibe !!

Anyway, as usual digressing, now Romeo is in the prime of his doggy years. His virility should be at his peak but for some strange reason he evinces no interest at all, in the numerous Juliet's that i parade before him! It's most puzzling and confounding! I have done my motherly duties as best as i could. I have tried to fix him up with every single,eligible female doggy that i could find in my neighborhood and beyond!! I have begged and pleaded and match made! I have connived and manipulated to fix him up with the best of the best! I have charmed and pleaded!!! I have tolerated and endured some very obnoxious doggie owners. But all in vain!!

The pricey punk shows no interest at all in the fulsome,voluptuous,splendid girlie doggies that i spring forth with clockwork regularity for his kind approval!! He just sniffs them disdainfully then literally turns up his nose, let's out a few pathetic growls, turns his ample bottom to them, stretches, yawns a looooong,wide one and then flops on the floor in a heap for his customary 100 th nap of the day !!! 

While he blissfully snores away, i wring my hands in embarrassment and dismay and mumble some pathetic excuses to the other angry, rebuffed,rejected doggie owner!! He has completely shamed me-i can't lift my head high anymore when i take him for his evening walk in our neighborhood garden!We just skulk around on the fringes of the park and the moment his smelly job is done, we rush home. So regretfully, no more long walks and exchange of doggy trivia with other equally devoted doggy owners .We are just glared at and whispered about. We are the Pariahs now and he has been sadly labelled queer! Sigh! Most heart breaking and disappointing!

 I expected him to do me proud and sire me at least a half dozen pups!! But i guess it's not to be!! It's just gonna be me and my gay doggy for a long time to come!! Sigh!!Grrrr-i want puppies, i need puppies!

 I seriously sometimes wonder, if like for the other two legged doggies, there are  ahem! magic pills available- there should be the same pills available for the four legged ones as well  to help them in their ahem! erectile dysfunction?? If anything ,the four legged doggies deserve them (the magic pills) more. At least they show you unconditional love, loyalty, affection and warmth. Yes! That's next on my agenda-research on Viagra doggy substitutes for my beloved Romeo!!