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Wednesday, 18 April 2012

My achy,breaky heart!!

Hardly slept last night-just kept thinking,tossing and turning-some good thoughts,some sad thoughts and some pretty insane thoughts even by my rather lofty standards-the human mind-such a wonderful,bizarre creation which at times  both fascinates and scares!! I seem to be on a roller coaster of emotions these days-sometimes wake up feeling absolutely fantastic ready to take on the world or more specifically the bratty kids,the surly husband,the inefficient cook,the garrulous "maali",the smart alecky driver,the lecherous ninety year old "uncle" next door and there are days when i just want to bury myself in my cosy blanket and not surface at all!!I just want to lie in bed all day feeling sorry for myself and ponder my miserable fate!!! Gross exaggeration by the way, "the miserable fate" bit, in case"Allah" in all his everlasting glory is reading my blog and thinking what an ungrateful wretch i am!!!

Actually my fate is not miserable at all-on the surface of it-i have it all-a successful,handsome(ahem! ahem! remember beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder!!) husband,two beautiful,intelligent,spirited also bratty sons,a beautiful,well kept home(all thanks to me on that one,please note),decent looks,good health,a cook,a driver,a masseuse,a personal trainer,regular appointments at the beauty salon,a close knit group of loyal,devoted and sometimes scatty girl friends (please note, the word "sometimes" before i have five women baying for my blood!!)

So then i come to the puzzling and baffling question-what is it that ails me or rather makes me so moody and temperamental? Why am i always swinging from one end of the pendulum to the other? What is this restlessness,the fidgeting which keeps me awake at nights and makes me think bizarre thoughts? Why do i want to sometimes just pack up my stuff and run away..far,far away...to the Himalayas and take sanyas?  On a lighter note,what then would happen to all my pretty dresses and hundred pairs of stilettos!! Sanyasins, even sexy ones at that ,couldn't really be going around hobbling on hilly terrain wearing six inch high heels!!!

On a more serious note,what about my numerous responsibilities,the various roles of being a wife,mother,home-maker that i play? Would all that come to a nought ? I think some of my moodiness comes from my zodiac sign-i am a Scorpio-so according to Linda Goodman-i am intense,passionate,prone to extremes,loyal,devoted,easily bored,need new challenges and so on and so forth. But i guess it couldn't just be that! So have been pondering,thinking and analysing and have come to the PROFOUND conclusion  and please feel free to correct me if i am wrong, that i am not the only one who's going through this dilemma of life's choices. Up to a certain degree,all of us women,in this particular age group are facing the same quandary.

We are most of us in our late thirties to early forties-married to successful men who frankly now don't have the time of day for us as they are too busy chasing deadlines and crunching numbers,have kids who are between the age group of 10-15 years who are now firmly entrenched in the school routine and can barely stand us and only remember us when they want you to buy them the new I-pad or I-pod or whatever,have an established set up home wise where the maid and the nanny are in place and now are feeling that gosh!! life has suddenly passed us by!!

 All of life's challenges,opportunities,chances seem to be firmly in the past!!Another ten maybe fifteen  years and we will all be firmly in the middle aged,over the hill bracket!!! We all are including me,desperately trying to hold on to the last vestige of diminishing youth,are obsessing over each new wrinkle or crows feet that appears or grey hair which i personally now seem to be sprouting on a weekly basis. We all are looking for a reason ,a validation to exist,to go on,to make a mark,to make a difference. We all want to be vital,needed,wanted and desired and frankly that's not happening at least not to the degree that we desire!

So now i come to the next logical question-what do we do? For every problem their's a solution and for every disappointment their's hope! The solution i have concluded is acceptance and reconciliation and knowing that ultimately we all are lone riders! We come into this world alone and leave it alone! During life's course  we form our bonds and attachments but in the end they are are all superfluous and superficial! We bring nothing into this world and we take nothing back.Nothing in life is permanent other than the permanence of change and the sooner we come to terms with that the better!!

And maybe once in a while -this is a more radical suggestion-we should do drunken,inebriated evenings with just the "gurrrls" where we gossip,bitch out our stuffy husbands,our bratty brats and the hopeless,inefficient ,over paid domestic staff we have at home plus obviously drink lots of cocktails-Mojitos,Cosmos,Daiquiris,Sangrias...basically the works---drowning yourself in alcohol once in a while is a tried and tested therapy to vanquish all the ills in the world!!!

Before some of you prissy, moralistic types jump the gun and lampoon and lambast me,i am certainly not advocating alcoholism!! i am just saying that sometimes acting silly and drunk and out of control and letting your hair down where there are no more pretences and rules and obligations and acting crazy is a sure shot method to (temporarily) mend an achy,breaky heart!!! And i speak from experience,honey!

So bring out the sexy,backless dresses ladies and let's crack open a bottle of Champagne and let's have a ball!! Who knows tomorrow we may just be packing a back pack to the Himalayas and last i checked it wasn't very conducive to wearing backless dresses and having exotic cocktails!!! Cheers! Salute! Adios!!